Excel or Die Strike Back!
by Lilith darkstorm
Summary: [COMPLETED] The Royal British Library Force have sent their agent 'The Paper'-Yomiko Readman to stop Ilpalazzo's evil plan. What is in store for Excel now? Guest stars Jay and Silent Bob!
1. An opening of extreme measures

Excel or Die; Strike back! Chapter 1; Opening of Extreme Measures!

Author's note; hello cruel people of earth, wonder why you're cruel? 'Cos nobody apart from my mate K.T (who help write it) wrote a review about my first ever fanfic! Oh well, this fanfic, I plan to update as much as possible, so I hope you enjoy.

_As always, I don't owe any of the characters in Excel Saga or Read or Die, I just manipulate them into my cruel evil ways.  _

Location; Washington D.C, on the stage in front of the white house

The crowd of news reporters and the local public waited in anticipation. They eagerly waited for him, knowing that what he'll say in 1 minute will affect anime history. This front-page news we were talking about here! The suspense was unbearable!

"Sssssshhhhhhh!"

Silence overcame them all when suddenly the man himself-Koshi Rikto-had approached the stage. He tightens his tie and he smiled at his huge audience, all microphones and cameras from all news channels imaginable were here. All that could be heard was the flashes coming from the cameras.

"I give permission for the Excel Saga anime series to be a political, cross-over anime fanfiction." 

The locals cheered and all anime fans alike rejoiced at his news. The news reporters made their way towards closer to the stage in order to have the opportunity to have their unanswered questions answered.

Newsman no.1; "How will this affect the Excel Saga anime series?"

Koshi; "It'll not affect the storyline, only my ratings. Since this fanfic will make my show a much more stupider anime than it already is

Newsman No.2; "What is the other anime that is to be included in this crossover?"

Koshi; "That's for me to know and you to find out! Next please…"

Newsman No.3; "Is it true that Excel Saga will be cross-overed with the popular-yet sluty-Sailor Moon?"

Koshi; "WHAT? Who have you been talking to? What is the meaning of this-SHE came onto ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

Before you know it, Koshi jumps from the stage and starts to punch the newsman, he pulls his leg, he goes for the punch-fails, he pins him down…oooohhhh…that's gonna hurt tomorrow! Cue the music…CUE THE MUSIC!!!!

"Sore wa ai ja nai,

 Ai wa sore ja nai, 

 Ai shite iru kedo ai sarete wa inai.__

Kesshite ai ja nai,

 Ketsu wa ai jai n-"

Excel; Wait a sec! What's that 'James Bond' alike music I hear? What the-WHY ARE THOSE ENGLISH SPIES CORRUPTING MY SHOW?! LORD ILPALAZZO!"

A figure suddenly appears out of the darkness, she has long black and very geeky glasses. Excel is frozen, unable to move without her 'Lord' to order her around.

"I am Yomiko Readman," Said the girl "Read…or DIE!"

Excel looked rather puzzled "…is there a 3rd option, I hate books…and I'm not fond of dying either-"

"WHAT! YOU DON'T LIKE BOOKS! GGGGGRRRRRRRRR!"

The empty headed girl suddenly looked very red in the face, her hair rose to look like horns and her hand rose high up into the air. Her suitcase flew open and million scraps of paper took aim on the defenceless Excel. Yomiko grabbed her copy of 'The Book of Pooh' to use, as a weapon-she was one pissed off Liberian! 

"Well that's something you don't see everyday" said Excel

The scraps of paper started to give thousand of paper cuts on the poor Agent Excel, she cried her eyes out and then ran for her life. Yomiko chased after her prey, giving the death seeker-Hyatt, to make her first appearance in the fanfic;

"This is the end of Chapter 1-*cough cough-cough cough*"

_Ok? What did you think? Let me know ok, and don't worry, I'm working on the 2nd chapter, so wait until then you impatient fools! (P.s. I know I can't spell so don't bug me about it!)_

_-Lilith Darkstorm_


	2. We're off to see the Ilpalazzo!

Excel or Die; Strike back! Chapter 2; We're off to see the Ilpalazzo!

_Author's note; ok, thought chapter 1 was crap? No worries-Lilith Darkstorm is here to give you the 2nd chapter on my fanfic. Again I don't own ANY of the characters from read or die, Jay and Silent Bob or Excel saga. This is the chapter where Jay and Silent Bob first appear, if you wanna know why I've included them-is because I was watching the music video from Afroman 'Because I got high' and I was looking at Jay and Silent Bob when the idea for this fanfic sprung to my little small head._

In case you're wondering, this fanfic (from Yomiko's point of view) takes place after the OVA series Read or die-but before she finds the other Nancy clone at the end of the series.

_OK that's enough explaining, go on-READ! (By the way, thanks for your review Cosmos Senshi-you made my day!) _

Inside the ACROSS underground headquarters 

"HHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLL ILPALAZZO!" Excel and Hyatt screeched at the top of their voices. It was a normal day in the ACROSS headquarters, the lord Ilpalazzo sat in his throne-with his ever-so-faithful (yet half-witted) agents praising-boy was his ego big. Hyatt started to cough (how unusual!) and Excel started to lose patience and started to talk (or should I say shout) to herself. But she remains faithful to him, since she is-and forever will be faithful. However, he has no idea of her affections (typical man).

"Today, your lord has formed a plan that is beyond sense, reason and understanding, yet it is a plan that only a man of my intelligence can ever think of" he said

"Hail almighty *and sexy* Ilpalazzo!" Shouted Excel

*****cough cough* replied Hyatt and dropped to the floor

"Excel, tell me the purpose of the telephone…" Ilpalazzo said

(Uh oh, a 'extremely fast, furious, screaming and no-sense-making speech from Excel' alert! Earphones on!)

"The purpose of the telephone id for 1 purpose only –LOVE CONNECTIONS! (And for ordering a Japanese take-away) People around the world talking and exchanging messages of love! Filled with romantic poetry, songs, insults, love love LOVE! Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, gay and lesbian couples having phone sex across the globe! Join me in this circle of love Ilpalaz-"

He interrupts, "sorry, wrong answer" And just like the predictable guy he is-you've guessed it-pull the mysterious rope, trap door opens, Excel falls down the bottomless pit, she screams and cries-AAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGH!

"The answer was this, contacting government authorities!"

"Erm…excuse me, but why would you want to contact them?" asked Hyatt

"In my hand I have a piece of paper which contains phone numbers of all the authorities from the 3 most richest countries in the world-Japan, the U.S.A and…that island filled with the posh gits"

"England?" stated Hyatt

"I JUST SAID THAT! Anyway, I plan to call each and every one of them to threaten them with my wits and my plans to conquering the world. What I say will make them piss their pants with fear! While they are scared out of their wits-I'll make my move and take of the world! MHA-"

"Um sir, what about our plans to take over the city?"

"We'll do that afterwards! But your task Hyatt, is to head over to the nearest phone store and buy me the latest in technology mobile phone. Preferably one with a changeable cover?"

"Affirmative sir!" Hyatt replied and started to crawl her way towards the store-however died just after she passed the local manga shop.

"Soon I shall rule this world-haw haw haw!"

_Approximately 1 hour, 39 minutes and 16 seconds later_

_In Japan, Tokyo_

Forget James Bond, forget Neo Anderson, this is one spy you don't want to mess with! In this…book filled…apartment, is the home of the extraordinary agent-Yomiko Readman-or also known as 'The Paper'. Why may you ask? She has the ability to control paper! Yeah, sound kinda crappy doesn't it? But not when you know that she can create a samurai sword that can cut through metal with a $50 bill! HA! Doesn't sound so crappy now huh?

*****Ring Ring…Ring Ring* 

A sudden noise is made from underneath the pile and piles and piles (etc) of paper, Yomiko had woken up from underneath it. She hasn't gone on any missions or even outside much since her friend-Nancy Makihari-died in her previous mission. Her boss, The Joker, is still looking for locations to where her clone sister maybe, she reached out her hand towards the phone.

"h-h-hello?" she says

"Agent Paper? It's Joker here, how have you been feeling?" the male voice replied

"Um…not particular well, but ok."

"If it's not too much trouble, there's something that I wish to talk to you about. Something serious has happened and I need your assistance."

"I'll be there as soon as I can". Hung up, she was a little relived, she needed something to take her mind off Nancy, she grabbed a book for the ride and headed off.

_1 hour later, in the Royal British Library Task Force, Joker's office  _

Yomiko has arrived in Joker's office, he has a serious look upon his face, she wasn't sure what to say, so she sat down on the seat in front of his desk-he spoke;

"Agent Paper, how would you like to go on a little vacation to the infamous City of X, which is located in the outskirts of Japan?"

"Um…why?" She wasn't sure how to reply, since she hasn't even heard of this 'city' before.

"Well, there's been a lack of criminal activity around here lately, and the staff of the British Library Force have grown quite bored. But about 2 hours ago, we have heard rumours that a new force called ACROSS have planned to take over the world with a few days. Now don't get to worked-up about this, the leader of this organisation is only my demented cousin-Ilpalazzo,"

My, my, what a small world!

"I would usually ignore his sort of activity, he has not been one of my favourite or smartest cousin I know, but I know that you have had a lot on your mind lately. I think sometime outside this city will do you good."

Yomiko thought about this, he was right-she needed to get out, besides, she'd never been to the city of X before; maybe she can go sight seeing?

"Joker, leave it to me!" 

Meanwhile, in the streets of New Jersey, outside an unknown newsagent 

A blonde haired and a short-tubby silent haired man leaned against a wall outside the newsagent, these innocent boys stood smoking away and hanging, when the kind and polite blonde haired man realised something;

"This is wack man! We've been sitting on out Asses for fuck knows how long, and no fucking tits has even come to suck our dicks off!" The silent man nodded in agreement. "Shit man, know anywhere we can go to pick up some fine piece of ass?"

The silent man had an idea, he pointed at a map that mysteriously appeared next to them, he pointed at 'City of X'.

"Shit man, I don't remember seeing or hearing of that place before! But Hollywood was full of ball lickers and Chicago went down the toilet-I guess it can't hurt to get it a try."

The two men then went off towards the nearest bus station and got a bus to the city of X. The blonde man stuck his head outside the window and shouted;

"YEAH! LOOK OUT MUTHA-FUCKERS! JAY AND SLIENT BOB WILL ROCK YOU DEAD!"

End of chapter 2 

_Please review, chapter 3 up soon, see ya!_


	3. The first of many encounters!

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 3; the first, of many, encounters

IIIIIII'mmm back! Chapter 3 is on the way, but before you read, one thing to say; I'm also writing another story, which is located in fictionpress.com.. It's  called 'Deathology'- (don't worry, the story is not as depressing as the title).  So I'll alternate between the two stories. Anyway where were we…oh yes…in the city of X…

* * *

Excel is found walking in the streets of the city of X-how does she get out of those traps anyway?

"Hello loyal fans, Excel here, I'm so pissed of! Hyatt got a head start on the lord's new and most wonderful plan of all time! I MUST get to the phone store now before Hyatt does! Oh my lord Ilpalazzo, I shall not fail you! The world will be blessed with your presence! You shall conquer this world, with me as your Queen! *She imagines him and her standing on top of the world-boy is she happy!* 

"Oh wait-what if Hyatt has bought the phone already? What if she is already at the headquarters now?…"

(Uh-oh…erotic fantasy alert!)

The screen shimmers, Hyatt and Ilpalazzo are in the ACROSS headquarters…

"Here sir," says Hyatt, "I have the phone you have requested"

"Good job Hyatt, I shall reward your efforts with a pet I have especially got for you." Replies Lord Ilpalazzo

"What kind of pet sir?"

"Have you ever heard of a…trouser snake?"

"ooooohhhh, what does  a trouser snake look like?"

And with that, Ilpalazzo began to remove his robes…

"OH GOD HO GOD OH GOD! WOULD YOU REALLY BETRAY MY FEELINGS LIKE THAT MY LORD ILPALAZZO? IS THIS EROTIC FANTASY A VISION OF THE FUTURE? NO! I won't let this come to be! I shall take away Hyatt's glory and claim the phone as my own! For my name's not Ex-"

BANG! A car hits Excel; up flying she goes and falls flat on her face. 

"Well I guess that teaches me for day-dreaming instead of looking where I was going. Remember kids, nobody in real life will talk as much as I am after they have been hit by a car."

The driver of the car got out of her vehicle, it was Yomiko.

"Oh my, miss…are you ok? I'm so sorry!"

Excel was getting pissed; she doesn't like it when something-or someone comes between her lord Ilpalazzo's plans…

"'Am I ok?' WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'am I ok?'. I'm TRYING to fulfil my Ilpalazzo's desires and get him his phone so he can conquer this world with his master plan and all you got to say is 'AM I OK?'!!!!!! Did you NOT see me WALKING here?"

Yomiko had been using her book to shield her from Excel's screaming voice. She lowered the book and quivered as she spoke;

"I-I-I-I'm sorry…I was just trying to read my book-"

"READING YOUR BOOK? Doesn't anyone watch television anymore? Those adverts that say 'Don't read and drive'? SHEESH!!!!"

Excel stormed off and whispered under her breath, her tone was rather unpleasant. Yomiko started to read her book; 'The Mystery of Manga Writers' and got into her car. She then suddenly realised what the girl had said; "Wait a sec-what did you say about your 'master plan'?" She turned around but the girl was no where to be found- "that's odd…"

***

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the city, the duo-Jay and Silent Bob were getting off the bus and arriving in the city of X.  But they found something rather unusual about their surroundings…

"Fuck man! Now look where we are! You led us to some fucking cartoon town! I'm not gonna fuck with some drawing with tits."

Silent Bob stared at him…implying that he was lying.

"Don't look at me that way man, that mermaid Disney bitch came onto ME! You understand?!" Silent Bob shook his head and walked forward, it wasn't everyday that you stumble upon some cheesy carton town. "Well since were here, we may as well find somewhere to kick back until the next bus to New Jersey comes." As they walked along the road, they heard voices in the background.

"So what exactly are we meant to be doing anyway?" said a brown haired man, he was accompanied with a sexy, big boobs, red haired woman. They were wearing police uniforms.

"*Sigh*...for the last time! We are meant to be patrolling the city streets for suspicious criminal activity. Let's try and do this job without causing the world to go into peril shall we?" the red-hair said, Silent Bob turned towards Jay and noticed he was drooling…eeewww!

"No problems, I'm sure nothing out of the ordinary will happen today. But hey, I was wondering-if you join me for a coffee once our shift is done?" Arrrrhhh how sweet, he's asking him out *the writer barfs into a bucket*. Jay then clutched his fist; boy was he angry (that's my piece of ass he thought)

"Are you asking me out?" she didn't look too happy

"Well as a matter of fact I-" She suddenly punched him in the face and, with no logical explanation; he is thrown high up into the air! "AAAMMMMM…"

"I don't know why he even tries anymore…" she then heard a clapping of hands from a distance, it was from Jay.

"Nice one, I like a chick who can kick some ass!" the red hair didn't look flattered, in fact, she looked insulted! And rather confused, she hadn't seen people like him before, he didn't look-what's the word…animated. "EXCUSE ME!" she said

"Oh sorry, I'm Jay and this is my life mate Silent Bob!" the silent man gave a wave. "And you're so fucking mine!"

Her face went as red as her hair was, "MY NAME IS MISAKI MATASYA!" and with that she sent him flying with a punch. Silent Bob ran towards where he saw Jay land, he was rather worried about him-but Jay wasn't hurt in fact he was happy!

"FUCK MAN! DID YOU SEE THAT? I WAS LIKE FLYING IN THE SKY, AND I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING! I'M NOT EVEN BLEEDING! THIS PLACE ROCKS! TRY IT MAN, ITS FUN!" he then ran towards Ms. Matasya "OI JUGS! DO THAT AGAIN!" Silent Bob hung his head in shame…

***

Ok, maybe that wasn't the best chapter, but it'll be better next chapter, if you're missing your daily doses of Puchuus and Menchi-they are up next chapter-so stay tuned!


	4. I know you are but what is Puchuu?

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 4

IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE; Ok people, listen up, my exams are coming up soon and my study leave is just before it. I'm afraid I have to say that I'll be unable to put up any chapters for a while. I'll still be continuing this story and my story over at fictionpress.com, and I'll write during my break times of my revising (studying) but I'll be unable to post it up until after the exams. Don't be sad though, I'll try and post them up now and then… Until then, feel free to give me reviews since I need all the support I can get.

Ok back to the story, I'm moving away slightly from Excel and Jay & Silent Bob for now, this chapter you'll find Yomiko, the food supply Miss Menchi and the one and only cute-yet deadly animals…Puchuus! (Hold on a sec, they're not the only killing cute animals around…moogles are too! Is the world safe anymore?!)

Enjoy!!

In the underground of the city of X, a massive group of Puchuu's are found, gathering around their Queen, who is found on top of an alter (this can't be good!)

(Don't worry-I'll provide the translation!)

Queen Puchuu; Puchuu, Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu!

                        I have called this meeting in order to sort out a crisis

                        Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                        A Pair of rude and obsence strangers have entered our city!                       

Group of Puchuus; Puchuu

                             Oh no!

Queen Puchuu; Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                        We must remove this despicable comic duo from our city!

                        Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                        Before our creator; Koshi Rikdo, sees them! If he does

                        Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu!

                        He'll replace us with those ass holes! 

Group of Puchuus; Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                             What Makes you think he will?

Queen Puchuu; Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                       Cute animals are no longer popular- human beings prefer

                        Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                        Ugly and swearing bastards on their screens!

                        Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu

                        Just look at the used-to-be-famous Pikachu!

The group of Puchuus began to panic-their queen was right; they had worked so hard to try and take over the city. They can't let their plans be interrupted now! They had to erase them from existence…and fast…

Meanwhile…

In Excel's and Hyatt's apartment, the adorable food supply Miss Menchi sat on the window still of the apartment. She looked outside at the world he longed to explore-and yet-he is trapped with owners who wished to eat him (cue the ending theme music!). Oh well, ain't life a bitch, anyway today was going to be different. He tried to take down the wall (that plan was no success) but today instead he was going to…take down the window (sheesh…how long did it take for her to come up with that?) He grabbed the sharpest object she could find-Excel's game boy advance and threw it at the window (by some miracle). Ureka! The window broke, giving Menchi the opportunity to escape!

Menchi then with great joy leapt out of the window, forgetting that the apartment was 50 feet off the ground…SPLAT! On her face she fell and fell into unconsciousness…OUCH! I guess she isn't destined to feel the happiness of freedom after all…

Just as things seemed hopeless for Menchi, Yomiko appears at the scene, in search for the mysterious girl she saw (and ran-over) earlier, well…she wasn't exactly searching very well since her head is hidden within the pages of her book…oh Yomiko…when will you learn…

Menchi regained consciousness and began to run as fast as she could from the apartment, she accidentally bumped into Yomiko. She looked down at her feet where she felt something bumped into her; "Oh dear, are you ok?" Menchi panicked for a moment, she has no good experiences with strangers, but as soon as Yomiko began to stroke the poor defenceless dog, Menchi relaxed.

"Poor thing, what are you doing out here? Have you lost your owner?" Menchi lifted her head and shook it in fear; she didn't want to do back to her horrible owner!

Yomiko then heard the Joker's voice; she was wearing an earpiece where she could communicate with him from England (fine piece of technology eh?).

"Agent Paper-any luck with finding our criminal?"

"Actually I have," she replied, "I meet an agent of Ilpalazzo's, I over her with my car by accident earlier, she seemed ok, but she disappeared and now I can't find her! It's seems we are dealing with a criminal mastermind here!"

"Erm…what did this 'agent' look like?" asked Joker

"She had blonder hair, eerr…green eyes…and I think she was wearing a bolero top, short pants and a form fitting bodice-all in green." (Man she's a good observer of things! Yet again you have to be when you're an agent).

"That's no mastermind, the girl you're describing is a complete and utter twat!" Yomiko eyes went wider; she'd never heard Joker speak that way!

"Her name's Excel Excel," Joker continued, "she recently left school and joined ACROSS, and she had NEVER succeed in any of her missions and, in my opinion, a waste of space. But don't get too cocky when you're around her! She can be a threat…"

"How sir?" the innocent Agent Paper asked

"She has a track record for weird things happening around her-deaths, zombies, robberies, we are not sure what else she is capable of! Be careful!"

Yomiko felt a bit worried, "Is there any other agents like her?"

"We have heard rumours of another agent, Hyatt Hatchan, but according to her medical records she past away a few months ago. Good luck agent Paper!"

Joker hanged up, Yomiko was determined to end this madness, she placed the dog on the floor, "You can come along if you want. Want to help me catch a criminal?" Menchi had heard Yomiko's side of the conversation and an evil plan had been plotted in her little peanut-sized brain. If she helped this stranger catch her owner-Excel-she could be rid of her for good! She would be free at last! 'Heh heh heh' the little dog thought, and she nodded to answer Yomiko's question.

Yomiko walked down the road-with Menchi in tow-to form a plan, first she had to find this agent and arrest her, and hopefully (if she co-operates) she'll ask this agent to lead her to the ACROSS headquarters and she'll then arrest this 'Ilaplazzo'!

"But before then," She said out aloud, "back to my book." sigh

That's it for chapter 4, argh…this is so annoying…I've got such good ideas and funny quotes for some of the later chapters and yet I'm lost for words on the next chapter! Doh!

Lilith Darkstorm


	5. Love at first cough cough cough

Excel Or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 5-Love at first-cough cough cough…

Author's note; YEAH! I'm back baby! It's the end of the exams and I've had inspiration and so many ideas floating in my empty skull. Thank you for everyone who has reviewed so far, I'm delighted that people are willing to waste their precious time by reading my stories!

_Anyway, enough with the mushy crap, onto chapter 5, you can welcome back Excel and the disgusting duo-Jay and silent Bob! _

_By the way, I do know that it's the city of F and not X, but now that I have the story saying 'City of X' all the time, I can't be bothered to change it back… _

_Again I do not own any of the characters in this story…blah blah blah…_

__

In the City of X, all seems peaceful; the birds are singing, the sun is shining, children are playing innocently (with some creepy man watching them…) and everyone seems happy. That is, until some green blur rushes onto the scene, knocking everyone she bumps into-its Excel at top speed.

"I'VE GOT TO GET TO THE PHONE STORE! HATCHAN COULD BE THERE ALREADY! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS BUT…NOW REALLY IS A GOOD TIME FOR HER TO DIE! EVERYBODY GET OUTTA THE WAY! GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

She runs across the city in hoping to get there before Hatchan, little kids and defenseless mothers (and a few Puchuus) are knocked flying into the sky!

"What the hell do you think you are doing you crazy bitch?"

"DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Cried some of the mothers to the unaware Excel

Excel began to pick up the pace; she knew the phone shop was close! However, she was soon to be followed, the Paper had looked up for a brief second to clean her glasses, and spotted Excel high-tailing right before her eyes;

"That green blur looked strangely familiar…oh yes! That agent from ACROSS!" Yomiko said out aloud, she and Menchi followed her as fast as they could.

"How can she run that fast? She must be much more trained and capable agent than Joker realized"

Menchi felt the urge to laugh, but fought back-she wanted to help this woman capture Excel and end her life of misery for good!

"Oh no! We're losing her, we have to…AAAAHHHHHHH!" Yomiko tripped and landed flat onto her face, Menchi licked her face-as a sign of sympathy.

"I'm ok…" she said weakly, "But what did I trip over? It felt like some sort of…body…" and indeed it was, it was none other than Hyatt's lifeless body. Menchi recognized the body and tried to pull Yomiko away from it, for if the body was to wake up-she would have to go back to her owner!

"Oh my god! Miss are you ok?" Yomiko ignored Menchi and turned the body over in order to see her face, and at that moment, the world seemed to be frozen in time…and some strange, romantic and sweet music began to be played in the background…

Her beauty dazzled Yomiko, her pale white skin made her look like an innocent and delicate flower that is too fragile to be touched. Her flowing hair so soft and shiny and…purple, Yomiko couldn't help but stare in wonder…what are you going to do Yomiko?

A) Hold her

B) Kiss her

C) Put it in

"Are those my only options?" asked Yomiko "I really should take her to a hospital!"

"YES!" said the writer (me!). But before Yomiko could answer back, she heard a scream coming from the shop behind her;

"I GOT THE PHONE! NOW THE WORLD SHALL FALL UNDER THE SUPERIOR POWER OF MY LORD ILPALAZZO AND OF ACROSS!" Excel screeched at the top of her voice, then she ran away towards the Across headquarters, one of the employers of the phone shop Excel just came out of called out to her; "HEY YOU! GIVE ME THE PHONE BACK! YOU BITCH YOU BETTA PAY FOR THAT!"

Yomiko knew that she had to go after the agent, whatever the phone was for-it must have to do with the evil plan that Joker mentioned. But she couldn't just leave the woman she found on the floor, she had to get her help. But as she turned to the woman, her eyes were amazed to see the once-was-dead body now standing up right! Yomiko's eyes opened wide in fear! A trail of blood was found from the corner of the woman's mouth, she simply wiped it away as if it didn't mean anything; she spoke,

"Ah, it seems I have finally found the phone shop", her voice was sweet, soft and quiet, it seemed to somehow calm Yomiko and she was no longer scared or wondering 'what the hell just happened?' Yomiko then heard the cries of the dog she found behind her, she was pointing towards the direction the agent of ACROSS went.

"I know," said Yomiko, "but I can't just leave her." She said referring to the mysterious woman.

She turned to her, she spoke, "I'm afraid I have to go, I have business to attend to…but I must know your name before I go" begged Yomiko

"My name is Hatchan, Hyatt Hatchan" Yomiko was shocked, she heard Joker use that name before, wasn't she suppose to be…dead?!

"You can't be Hyatt Hatchan, she died a few months ago"

"Oh yes, I have a habit of doing that!" replied Hyatt, 'ok, I'm officially freaked out now' thought Yomiko to herself.

"Well it's nice to meet you but I have to go!" and Yomiko dashed off towards Excel's direction trying to avoid confrontation, with Menchi following close.

"Wait…you didn't tell me your na-"said Hyatt, but she could not finish her sentence, her throat clogged up and her world went black.

Meanwhile, in the opposite side of the city of X…

Misaki was trying to walk away from the newcomers to the city-Jay and Silent Bob; they were REALLY starting to piss her off. She had to get back to the Department of Security, her shift was over and was hoping for some lunch-that is if SOMEONE would stop following her!!!!

"Oh come on fine piece of ass! Do that fucking punch trick again!" Obviously Jay was having fun in this newly found city, Silent Bob quietly followed and tried to get Misaki to punch him too.

"Look guys, maybe the first few times I punched you it was fun, but after the 50th time it gets old and meaningless!" She said

"But Jugs, we are new to this town, and you know what they say about new-comers, 'you have to be _nice_ to strangers'."

Misaki's face went as red as her hair, her fist aimed at Jay's face; "YOU CALL ME JUGS ONE MORE TIME AND I SWEAR…"

"Ok, how about 'fine shit mother of clit'?" Jay replied

'This is getting me nowhere' Misaki thought to herself, 'my threats and punches aren't turning him off…maybe I should try a different tactic'. She planned to do the opposite, meaning; being nice.

"Ok big boy, give me a kiss you fine piece of…man…" she said, unable to think of anything else to call him.

"ALRIGHT! HERE I COME!" Jay and Silent Bob both went in for the kiss, when Misaki realized they weren't turned off she slapped them both in the face.

"OH FOR GODS SAKE! Does NOTHING turn you guys off?"

"Fuck no, not a thing" Jay said and Silent Bob shook his head.

Misaki hung her head in shame, and then she heard someone call out her name. She saw the trio of fools that she had to work with; Iwata, Watanabe and Sumiyoshi running towards her. 'Great, could things get any worse' she thought.

"Hay Misaki who's your boyfriend?" Watanabe said, referring to Jay, he then suddenly notices a quiet man standing next to Misaki,

"Man, I didn't realize you were a slut-two of them!!!"

"That's it dudes, I'm her boyfriend, I'm Jay and this is Silent Bob," said Jay happily and putting his arm around Misaki, Iwata looked rather upset

"Is this true Misaki?" tears started to form in his eyes

"I'M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND! I barely even know you!" Iwata then suddenly punched Jay, for the need to take revenge upon him and Watanabe started laughing and calling Misaki a 'slut'. Misaki tried to convince Watanabe that it's not true-but failed and resulted to shouting threats at him.

While the four of them continued there meaningless brawl, Sumiyoshi and Silent Bob ignored what was going on and looked at each other. The man with the glasses didn't speak, but Bob was suddenly shocked to find subtitles appear on his screen, the subtitles seem to pronounce,

'Hi, I'm Sumiyoshi, what's yours?' Silent Bob seemed impressed with the effective communication the animation provided to the 'silent characters' and simply said back, using subtitles,

'Silent Bob, pleased to meet ya!'

_Before you ask…yes I do have a VERY dirty mind. Nabeshin, Great Will of the Macrocosm and Pedro are in the next chapter, up soon!_

_Lilith Darkstorm_


	6. Power Struggle

Excel or die; Strike Back! Chapter 6-Power Struggle

_Author's note; Hello again fellow readers! I've been waiting a long time to write this chapter, I always knew how Yomiko and Excel would meet but I had to write the chapters beforehand. Resulting in one annoyed writer! I must say that this fan fiction is turning up much better and funnier then I imagined it would be! _

_If you haven't seen the last 2 volumes of Excel Saga, you'll probably get a few spoilers from the Pedro section, or you may not understand a feck that I'm writing…_

_Anyways, I've keep you waiting long enough, 'may the force be with you'…(don't know why I just said that!) Ignore me-Read on…_

* * *

In the Headquarters of ACROSS 

Excel is found walking down a dark hallway towards the throne room and the main room of ACROSS headquarters, Excel seems very happy;

"Hiya loyal Excel fans! Excel has finally completed Lord Ilpalazzo's plans! In my hands is the phone my lord has requested! Oh my Lord Ilpalazzo-you shall love me and we will conquer the world together! No longer will I suffer from the 'pull of the rope' and the 'falling down a bottomless pit'! No longer will I get toilet cleaner duty! Hatchan will now suffer the humiliation I once did! HA HA HA HA!"

But as Excel entered the main throne room, she noticed that her lord was not found on his throne!

"WHAT THE HELL?! This is the first time I have completed a mission and he's not here to praise me! THIS IS SO FUCKING TYPICAL!" Excel screamed

"Freeze agent!" said a familiar voice; Excel turned her head to see a person pointing a book at her.

"What? Hay I know you! You're the geek that ran me over this morn-" Excel started but was interrupted

"Excel Excel, I am arresting you and Lord Ilpalazzo for plotting to take over the world!"

Excel was shocked, "What? How did you find out about our master plan?"

"You told me dumbass! Remember this morning?" she replied

Excel thought back to the car accident, the impact of the car hitting her, the falling flat onto her face, the girl asking her if she was ok, and then the…'oh yeah…I did mention it did I?' she thought to herself.

"As the member of the Royal British Library Task Force, I, Yomiko Readman am placing you under arrest!" Yomiko declared as she advanced forward towards her.

"The British Library? HA! Librarians can't arrest me! You have no such power!!!" mocked Excel and she poked her tongue at Yomiko

Yomiko had had enough, she opened her briefcase and millions of pieces of paper flew out of it. Excel was frozen with fear, as she watched the papers metamorphsise into a giant machine gun! Yomiko held it and pointed it at the agent, "Who has the power now?"

Excel started to sweat as Yomiko aimed her gun at her, Excel had no idea how this woman did that but was too afraid to ask! There seemed to be little hope for her, "heh…heh…heh," she felt fear overcome her, but then she suddenly realized something, "Wait a sec! HA! You can't kill me! I am the main character of this series and main characters cannot be killed!" Excel said confidently

Yomiko suddenly looked rather confused and she lowered the weapon, "Wha? …I thought I was the main character"

"No, I'm the main character." Excel stated

"I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER!" Yomiko argued back

"Why should you be the main character? I have my own God-damn anime series-'Excel Saga'!"

"So do I! A 3-part OVA series AND a spin-off series coming soon! Its called 'Read or Die!"

"HA HA! Your series is not named after you! So I'm the main character!"

"But I saved the world! You can't even complete one bloody mission!"

The girl's battled on for hours, (boy I love a good cat-fight), but Excel had an idea, "Hold on, we're never gonna get our answer this way! The only person that can help us is the famous director-Nabeshin!" Suddenly, a huge car was heard and it drove through the wall and parked right next to Excel. A man with big Afro hair and a slick suit got out of the car…its Nabeshin! "You called?"

"NABESHIN! This geek-" Excel started

"STOP CALLING ME A GEEK!" shouted Yomiko

"This…girl is claiming that she is the main character-can you PLEASE sort her out?"

"Ah, I see your problem," said Nabeshin, "the reason you are experiencing this is because this 'episode' is a fan-fictional crossover."

"A CROSSOVER??" the girls said

"Yes, its when 2 unfortunate anime, books, games, manga, movies or sitcom storylines and its characters are merged together to form a wacky and un-predictable plot! It's very popular on fanfiction.net! Often it's very hard to know who is the main character of crossovers, but luckily I know who it is!" stated Nabeshin

"Well? OUT WITH IT ALREADY! Who is the main character?" shouted Excel

"It's-" SLICE! A piece of card was jammed into Nabeshin's forehead. Blood split from his brain onto his suit, and his body flopped onto the floor. He was dead, well now we now HE'S not the main character!

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW!" shouted Excel

"Look, the sooner I arrest and kill both you and Ilpalazzo, the sooner this crossover ends! And the sooner I am the main character again…" An unmistakable evil look was found in Yomkio's eyes, she took aim on Excel and was about to shoot when she felt Menchi's tail stroke her ankles. Excel saw Menchi and tried to reach for her last bit of hope, "Menchi! My adorable food supply! You'll never let this crazy woman hurt me will you…will you?" she asked

But Menchi had hoped for this day ever since she met her, she tightened her tail around Yomiko's ankles to indicate that she was on her side.

"Oh…crap…" said Excel.

Yomiko shot thousands of bullets at her but she missed but a small amount, Excel ran for her life,

"HELP ME SOMEBODY! STOP THIS CRAZY PERSON!"

* * *

In the other side of the City of X, in 'the department of city security'…

Iwata, Watanabe, Misaki, Sumiyoshi and the duo-Jay and Silent Bob were found in the office of the headman of this organization-Kabapu. He did not look happy, and from the glum looks from the other guys faces-it looks like they are in trouble…but the writer of this fanfic was rather confused…

"Hay how did you guys get there?" asked the writer

"Oh I'm soooo sorry that our world doesn't revolve around YOU!" replied Watanabe in a sarcastic tone

"YEAH!" said Iwata "What the hell do you think we do, while your wasting your time writing about other people!"

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO THE FOURTH WALL AND LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!" shouted Kabapu, he adjusted his moustache and continued talking; "Where was I…oh yes, do you have any idea what the battle you had in the middle of the street may have done to this company's reputation?" The group shook their heads; "sigh…if the public see respected members of city security fighting in the street-they lose faith in what we do and soon criminals will take over our defenseless streets!" The group hung their heads in shame, that is until Jay decided to open his big mouth;

"Look man, me and Silent Bob are new to this town and we had nothing to do with this so we will just be-"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING!" shouted Misaki

"I don't care who you are, or why you don't look as 'animated' as we do-but you shall repay the damage you have caused!" stated Kabapu to Jay and Silent Bob, "You shall work for the department of the city of security until I decide that you may leave."

"FUCK THAT MAN! We only came here to hit on some chicks and now we have to work! FUCK THAT!" said Jay and Silent Bob nodded in agreement

"Look! Your reason for coming to this town is no different from any other citizen in this town! But you must pay the price for what you have done! You shall work with these guys and also with our own Ropponmatsus!" said Kabapu.

"What's a 'Ropponmatsu'?" asked Silent Bob, using the provided subtitles

"Woah man! How the fuck did you learn to do that? How did those words appear on the screen?" asked Jay, freaked out by this sudden experience

Sumiyoshi replied in subtitles, "female robots, 2 of them, but they are currently under repair"

"Mr Gojo Shioji is working on the repairs," said Kabapu "…once they are repaired, they'll keep a 24/7 watch on you two and keep me on a update on how you are doing. If your progress is good, you may no longer need to work for me any longer"

"A 24/7 watch eh? This is going to be fucking sweet…" Jay said to himself out aloud, he started to drool-indicating naughty thoughts!

"You did read Sumiyoshi's subtitles correctly right?" asked Misaki, "the females are ROBOTS!"

"As long as they have the package-I don't give a fuck!" Jay replied and the rest of them sighed.

They left the building and decided to try and get along while they are assigned to work together, "So what the hell do we have to do anyway jugs?" asked Jay to Misaki, she tried to hold back her anger, "We have to patrol the streets for suspicious activity, then report back to this building if we have caught any criminals, or when its lunch time"

"That's all you guys do? That's wack man!"

"…wack?…" said the 3 confused men, being unfamiliar with the word 'wack'

"Look, I know something is surely to make this MUCH more fun…" Jay then pulled out a small see-through packet containing some white stuff…

"What the hell is that? I'm sure this sort of stuff is not supposed to be shown on anime!" asked Misaki

"he he he…care to try?" asked Jay, the rest of them were suspicious and reached their hands into the bag…uh-oh…

* * *

Meanwhile in an unknown cottage-located in Mexico, a happy family was found in the front garden of their home. The husband, Pedro, was holding hands with his sexy wife, while they watched their beloved son, Sandora, play with his 'Neon Genesis Evangelion' action figures. All seemed peaceful and perfect, that was until a black cloud hovered over their home, and thunder started to strike!

"Oh Pedro, it was just sunny a second ago-what can this mean?" she said in her sexy accent

Then suddenly Miss Will of the Macrocosm appeared above the family, "Miss Will? What are you doing here?" asked Pedro

"Sandora, Pedro, the world is in peril again and is in need of your powers as the 'Afro Brothers' to save the world. A terrible force has threatened to destroy the world and a pair of innocent men," said miss Will

"Miss Will, its probably best if you just show us a flashback," said Pedro. Suddenly, the Puchuu meeting (that occurred in Chapter 4 of this fan fic) and the arrival of Jay and Silent Bob into the City of X (in Chapter of 3 of this fan fic) appeared in front of Pedro and Sandora's eyes. They knew that they had to use their powers to stop the evil plans of the Puchuus-or all was lost!

"Come son, we got to do what we go to do! Lets go!" and the father and son ran in the direction of Japan, City of X.

Then the sexy wife called out to them, "BE BACK BEFORE DINNER!"

* * *

Chapter 6 all done! Man that was a long one! I know that the Pedro section isn't that brilliant, I just wasn't so sure how he would fit into the story, I'm open for any suggestions from the readers out there! Please! Chapter 7 up soon! Please Review! 


	7. That Chapter over There

Excel or Die; Strike back! Chapter 7; That chapter over there!

_Author's note; I've been a BAD girl…no not in that way you pervert!!! I've been a bad girl because I've started typing up the last chapter before I've typed up the chapters in between this and the last chapter! _

_I've been reading 'Tortured By Light' and 'Bound By Darkness' by Nyxe (brilliant fanfics! If you're a kingdom hearts fan, READ IT NOW!) _

_Just to remind you, I know you're probably getting sick and tired of reading this, but please review and I'm open for any suggestions on my story or my personality! Feel free to criticize! I'm trying to take a look at the downloadable that Cosmos Senshi gave me the link to but my mum's computer's sucks at downloading and my dad is on holiday so I can't get access to his computer! Sorry Cosmos Senshi! But at the same time thanks for those who have reviewed me so far…_

_I'm blabbing! I'll stop typing and start…typing…I'm confused… _

* * *

In the headquarters of ACROSS

Hyatt and Ilpalazzo are found in the throne room, Ilpalazzo looking very concerned and Hyatt looking rather pale…

"Hail Ilpala…zzo…" said Hyatt weakly, her knees felt weak, as if she was about to faint

"Miss Agent Hyatt, I see that you have returned-but you seem to not have not brought the phone I have requested…is there a problem with locating and bringing me the phone?" asked Ilpalazzo

Hyatt tried to open her mouth to speak but was interrupted, "couldn't you find a phone with a changeable cover?" Ilpalazzo asked

"Sir-" Hyatt tried to say

"Was the phone not compatible with 'Bluetooth'?" he said

"Sir-"

"Dear God! No Nokia's?!"

"SIR..." she said and collapsed to the floor, her blood cooled upon the floor and Ilpalazzo looked at her fragile corpse

"Sorry Hyatt did you say something…?" Hyatt got up and wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth with her napkin

"I tried to get to the store, but Agent Excel got to the store before me. She purchased the phone and rushed here, as fast as a man on fire running towards the fire station…"

Ilpalazzo was rather surprised by this; Excel was NEVER the type of Agent to complete the missions that have been assigned to her, and this was the first time that his agent Hyatt had ever let him down. He stroked his chin with his hand to indicate that he was thinking, and then he came up with an idea.

"Well since she is not here, and since you claim that she was on the way here, we may as well check our security cameras to see where she went!" suddenly, a huge wide screen TV slid down from the ceiling.

"I didn't know we had security cameras sir." Said Hyatt

"Well apparently we do…let check what happened in the last 2 hours" he used his remote control (that appeared out of nowhere by the way) to rewind the last 2 hours, until he saw something suspicious, he pressed play on his remote…

From the TV screen, Ilpalazzo saw an argument-taking place between Excel and an unknown woman in glasses, but both he and Hyatt froze up when they heard this;

"As the member of the Royal British Library Task Force, I, Yomiko Readman am placing you under arrest!"

Ilpalazzo used his control to zoom into the unknown woman and rewind her last sentence;

"As the member of the Royal British Library Task Force, I, Yomiko Readman am placing you under arrest!"

The words ringed in his ears and his throat felt dry,

"The Royal…British…Library Task Force…could it be…Joker?" Ilpalazzo said to himself and his mind wandered back to his youth days.

======== FLASHBACK =========

The flashback shows two young toddlers, no older than 5 years of age, sitting in an unknown room. One boy had soft, silky blonde hair; he was sitting on the floor; having a nice tea party with his dolls-this toddler was Joker. The other boy toddler was standing up with his long Silver/violet hair, and a bed sheet covered over his shoulders representing, to him, a cloak; this toddler was Ilpalazzo.

Toddler Ilpalazzo turn to toddler Joker; "Hay cousin, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Toddler Joker stopped giving his dolls tea and turned to his cousin, "I want to be the commander of a top secret organization!"

"So do I!" replied toddler Ilpalazzo and then toddler Joker murmured under his breath 'copy-cat', but toddler Ilpalazzo heard him and was hurt…

"AM NOT!"

"ARE TOO!" the toddlers argued

"I'm gonna be the commander of an organization I shall call…ACROSS… and I shall conquer the world!"

"ACROSS? That's a stuuuupid name!" replied toddler Joker in a mocking voice, "I'm going to be a commander of a 'COOL' organization and I shall fight the forces of evil by using my very own agents!"

"My organization will be better than yours!" argued toddler Ilpalazzo

"WILL NOT!"

"WILL TOO!" the toddlers argued yet again

Suddenly, Toddler Ilpalazzo picked up his long cloak/bed sheet and turned his back on his cousin, "We shall see about that. GOODBYE!"

======= END OF FLASHBACK ========

"And so did the toddlers achieve their goals of having their own organization," said a mysterious voice, "but at the cost of their friendship…"

"WHAT THE HELL?!" shouted an angry Ilpalazzo, he looked out towards his agent to find a man standing next to Hyatt. The man wore a white suit and had blonde hair and beard. "SINCE WHEN DID MY FLASHBACKS HAVE NARRATION ADDED TO THEM!"

"Well…" said the man in the white suit, "Ever since I lost my job as a villain of the Afro brothers in the finale of 'Excel Saga', I've been short on cash and unable to find work. The only job the company could give me was narration to the character's flashbacks!"

Hyatt recognized the man in the white suit; it was 'That man'!

"But, 'That man'...you're supposed to be dead-"

"You can talk! You're supposed to be dead too! AND I'M NOT 'THAT MAN', I'M 'THIS MAN OVER HERE'!"

A big explosion was heard as Ilpalazzo fired a grenade at 'This man over here' from his giant grenade launcher, big clouds of dark smoke formed as the grenade hit its target. As the smoke cleared, all that was left was a pair of shiny shoes

"Well who ever he was, he's gone now!" Oh Ilpalazzo, when will you learn that violence doesn't solve everything? (Just most things)

Hyatt looked back at the screen at the beautiful agent, Yomiko. She had been staring at her during Ilpalazzo's flashback and tried to convince to herself that the woman in this screen was not the same vision of beauty she had seen this morning…it couldn't be…could it?

"Agent Hyatt," said Ilpalazzo, "Your new mission is to locate Agent Excel and retrieve the phone she has bought, feel free to knock her out if she resists! And as for that agent from the 'British Library Task Force', erase her from the picture as soon as possible…"

"What picture sir?" Hyatt questioned

"Well…the picture she is in…our situation…her intrusion…oh forget it! Just kill her!" Ilpalazzo said, Hyatt left the headquarters with a heavy burden in her heart, and death lingering over her…

* * *

Meanwhile, in the plain-yet simple apartments where Excel and Hyatt live, their next doors neighbors are having a party of their own…

"WOO-HOO! I FEEL SOOO HIGH!" said the slobbering Watanabe

"I feel happy!" remarked Sumiyoshi using his subtitles, the other guys snorted and acted rather stupidly

The 3 boys, Misaki and Jay and Silent Bob were chilling out and drinking in the boys' apartment, after having the white stuff from the previous chapter-they've been acting…strange.

"But there's something I'm confused about-" Jay started

"You're always confused!" said Silent Bob in his subtitle way, the other guys read it and laughed out aloud in a drunken way

"No dude really, I didn't really bring the real stuff, so how the fuck did we get high on talcum powder?" asked Jay

"WHO CARES!" said Misaki as she reached her hand down another bag of talcum powder

"Yeah this is anime man! Nothing makes sense!" Iwata remarked, the boys fell over laughing and started making burping jokes. Misaki suddenly felt sick and passed out.

"OOOOHHHH YEAH!" Jay seized his opportunity and reached towards Misaki defenseless-yet sexy body

"HAY MAN!" Iwata came to Misaki's side and stopped Jay "Misaki is my chick!"

"Why would this 'fine shit mother of clit' want a vegetable like you? Now move so I can fucking rock her world!" Iwata pulled Jay's hair and he screamed in a girlish way, Jay's hat came off and his face grew red "NO BODY TAKES OFF MY HAT!!"

The two boys began to have a girly fight in the corner of the room; which involved hair pulling, nails digging into skin and wimpy face slaps.

The two silent characters sat crossed legged, Silent Bob turned to Sumiyoshi; "Aren't we supposed to be having robot-female guests?" he asked

"I feel happy!" Sumiyoshi said yet again, Silent Bob shook his head and watched the girly fight in the corner.

Watanabe suddenly felt very dizzy and light-headed, he went towards the window and threw up. It was not a pretty sight…

"Don't do talcum powder kids," he said to the forth wall between barfing, "its not worth it"

After half an hour or so, Jay and Iwata stopped their brawl and drank their booze as if there was no tomorrow

"I'm sure we are meant to be working…" Misaki struggled to say as she regained consciousness

"We'll do it in a minute" Iwata said, but from the tone of his voice and since he is head-over-heels drunk, its unlikely they will

"I wanna die," claimed Watanabe as he stopped throwing up. He looked like shit, "I'm just glad Miss Ayasugi didn't see this…WHAT THE HELL?" Watanabe started to panic as he saw Miss Hyatt walk down the street outside the apartment. He tried to get back into his apartment, but tripped instead and fell out of the window just besides Hyatt's feet. Being lost in thought, Hyatt had not noticed he was there until he got up and greeted her

"Miss Ayasugi how have you been?" He then accidently burped in Hyatt's face, charming…NOT! He smelt like alcohol and of a substance that Hyatt couldn't name.

"Um…are you ok Mr. Watanabe?" asked the concerned Hyatt

"Oh yeah I'm-" he started, but passed out

"Mr. Watanabe?" Hyatt tried to wake him, but Ilpalazzo's voice echoed in her mind;

'And as for that agent from the 'British Library Task Force', erase her from the picture as soon as possible…'

The mission she must complete made her heart break and made her mind in wonder of what she should do, should she obey her Lord's orders or spare Yomiko's life? These questions lingered I her mind as she wondered to her destination and left Watanabe on the floor.

* * *

From the sewers of the City, a group of Puchuu's emerged and planned their schemes in erasing Jay and Silent Bob…from existence…

The group of Puchuus looked very cute as they huddled together but then their faces changed into human like expressions.

Puchuu no.1; I say that we kill them now and get it over & done with!

Puchuu no.2; No No! We must first stock up on weaponry, technology equipment…and chewing gum!

Puchuu no.3; If it's technology you want…I know one man who can supply us with it…

The 3rd Puchuu pointed his 'weapon' at a building in the distance…a car had just parked outside the house, a man with purple hair and a lab coat got out of the car. "Come on sweety pie!" he said as twin 7 year old girls-both blonde haired and in very loose lab coats, followed him into the building.

"We're coming Uncle Sugar!" replied the twins in unison. The Puchuus grinned and made their way towards the building…

_He he, It was fun writing the 'flashback', I can imagine then being cute toddlers! If you're a Gojo Shioji lover (well…Not his 'actual' lover, I hope) then look out for more of him in the next chapter. Anyway, Chapter 8 is coming very soon, right after these very long commercials…_


	8. Ai chuuseishin part 1

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 8; Ai (chuuseishin) part 1

_Author's note; Sorry for the slight delay in updating-My brother was on the internet for the WHOLE day, 2 days in a row, therefore my mum's phone bill has sky-rocketed and I couldn't go on the internet for a while…damn my brother…damn them all!_

_Just in case you're wondering, my minimum number of chapters I plan to have on this fanfic is 11. (Doesn't seem that many chapters to go huh?)._

_Not a lot of people seem to be reviewing me lately…FINE! SEE IF I CARE!!! Sniff _

_By the way, I've been a complete idiot before when I said that I couldn't be bothered to change 'The city of X' to the correct name of 'City of F'. Before I didn't care but now it's starting to bother me…so I'll only call it 'City of F' from now on. _

_So this chapter is dedicated to the reviewer known as Seriyu-the-ice-dragon and its also dedicated to my mate-Katca Mcadar_

* * *

A drum roll is heard in the background; the audience cheer their hearts out as they wait for the appearance of their favorite rock singer…an over-head light shines upon the center of the stage and upon the star himself…KEY!

As the blonde star plays his impressive guitar solo, the girls screech at the top of their voices and the men cheer; "GO KEY! GO KEY!"

Key suddenly stopped playing his guitar and the audience fell silent. He looked at his millions upon millions of fans that have gathered around just to see him,

"My name is Key…I am a key…" he remarked in a smooth, sexy voice. Then 2 more over-head lights appeared, one over the bass guitarist and the other over the drummer. Key raised his arms;

"AND YOU, THE AUDIENCE ARE MY KEYHOLE"

The fans continued their cheers once again as Key played his guitar, the bass and the drums backed him up as he prepared himself for his song;

_Title of song; The story so far… _

_Lyrics; Lilith Darkstorm _

_Music and arrangement; Lilith Darkstorm _

_Performed by; Key_

"Listen to me clear

I'm gonna say this once

This is the story so far…

Ilpalazzo's evil plan

With an agent on his toll

This is where the story began…

Hyatt and Excel

Race to the store for the phone

This is the story so far…

Yomiko and Joker

Plan to take them down

Are you with me so far?

(Small guitar solo)

[Chorus]

OOoooohhhhhh

When will they get it? (Get it)

When will they understand?

When will they get to the point?

(Oh no no)

That this fanfic is a waste of everybody's time…

How is my song so far?"

"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! WE GET YOUR POINT!!!!!" shouted Excel and she punched the screen, hoping to grab someone's attention.

* * *

The background fades and reappears to show Agent Excel gasping for breath in an unknown alleyway.

"Hello fans, Excel is found in an unknown alleyway, I've been trying to escape from that EVIL AND BITCHY agent from that…British…thingy…organization and I've only just lost her! Who knew a geeky woman like her, carrying a giant papered machine gun could run so freaking fast?!!"

Flashbacks from 'the run for her life' came rushing back into Excel's little brain; she remembered how she ran across the park, the bank, down the streets with all those people who 'couldn't care less' staring at her, she remembered the endless gun fires that were shot towards her, Excel still couldn't figure out how she manage to escape them! She remembered how Yomiko kept calling out to her;

"Excuse me, but can you stop running away from me please?"

_'Yeah, like I'm gonna fall for that!'_ Excel thought to herself, she managed to catch her breath and planned on her next move.

"You know, none of this would've happened if I was assured that SOMEBODY was there to resurrect me if I happen to DIE!" Miss Will burst into the scene; she knew Excel was referring to her.

"HAY YOU! I HAVE A BABY MACROCOSM TO LOOK AFTER NOW! DON'T EXPECT ME TO SAVE YOUR HIDE ALL THE TIME!" she left the scene, and left Excel stumped, she had no idea how to escape from this situation, and the entrance to the secret headquarters of the top secret organization of ACROSS was on the other side of the city!

"Oh well, I can just be grateful that the geeky agent hasn't found me yet…"

"Actually I've been on top on this building for half an hour now trying to get the perfect aim on you"

Excel screamed with fright and found the 'geeky agent' herself on the rooftop on the building behind her. Yomiko had one eye open, which was looking through the 'peep hole' of the gun, it was aimed on the defenseless Excel.

"Oh great! You've moved! Now I have to find my aim again…"

Excel fell to her knees as a desperate attempt to save her own life, "Why are you doing this? I may be trying to help my wonderful Ilpalazzo take over the whole world…but apart from that I'm not a 'terrible' person (so to speak)."

Yomiko lowered her gun in order to hear what this agent had to say, "I'm sure a kind hearted geek like you can find it in your heart to spare my life"

Excel pretended to cry to make herself look sweet and innocent, but Yomiko was too well trained to fall for some cheap trick like that,

"If my Joker wishes for your life, then he shall have it…"

Excel couldn't help but recognize the same determination that Excel felt towards for Ilpalazzo,

"I guess we have something in common after all, we both have the same love and loyalty towards our masters…"

"…Love and loyalty?"

Excel nodded, she felt her hopes rise as she made herself believe that she managed to get through to Yomiko

"Well that explains a lot…" Yomiko remarked and Excel looked rather confused

"I wondered how someone like YOU manage to become the top agent of ACROSS, I manage to gain my occupation by my abilities but if you prefer sleeping with the boss I guess that's another way…" Excel went red at the face, not just out of anger but also out of embarrassment…

"WHAT! I'M NOT SLEEPING WITH ILPALAZZO! (Well not yet anyway) I SERVE ILPALAZZO AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART! LOVE AND LOYALTY ARE THE SAME TO ME! I SHALL OBEY ALL HIS ORDERS AND CONQUER THE CITY OF F AND THE WORLD AS HIS DESIRES! THAT IS MY JOB AND DUTY AS THE AGENT OF THE TOP SECRET ORGANISATION OF ACROSS!!"

"How can you serve a man who is evil, cruel, wicked and demented as him?" Excel tried to shout at Yomiko for describing Ilpalazzo in such a horrible way, but Yomiko continued;

"I serve Joker because I believe in the same things he does…I will fight with all my strength and my power to rid the planet of evil. To remove all of those who wish to live the life of crime and to erase those who wish to remove the beauty that our world offers; such as mother nature, peace, William Shakespeare, J.K Rowling and Cate Teirnan…"

"Speaking of which, what is the deal with your book 'obsession'?" Yomiko aimed the gun at Excel again

"DON'T INTERUPT ME!" Excel quivered with fear

"So you see, people like you, and organizations such as ACROSS, you must be punished for your crimes. And besides, we've already got crappy politicians in charge of our world-I hate to think how someone as stupid as you could possibly conquer the world" she took aim once again on the Excel.

"I recent being called stupid…even though there's some truth to it…" this was the only thing Excel had left to say

Excel felt all hope leave her and she braced herself for her inevitable death, she closed her eyes praying that it would be quick. As Yomiko placed a finger on the trigger of her papered machine gun, an image of Nancy flashed across her mind. She remembered her last words, her last movements, her last breath…a tear formed in Yomiko's left eye

"Nancy…this is for you…" she whispered to herself

"And this is for you…Yomiko…" the scene froze and the two girls looked towards the direction of which the gentle and sweet voice came from

"No…it can't be…" Yomiko found Hyatt standing beside her, aiming a gun at her forehead…

* * *

Meanwhile, all was well and peaceful; that is if you think Puchuus walking towards a perverted scientist's home 'peaceful'.

Gojo Shioji was found in his lab, working on his most famous creation within the 'Excel Saga' series-his Ropponmatsus! He had been asked by Kabapu himself to program them to record and examine the two new employers of 'City Security'-Jay and Silent Bob. The Ropponmatsus are meant to report back to Kabapu everyday so that he may decide when they may no longer need to work for him. Shioji was almost finished with the program chip;

"I need a crosshead screw driver stat!" he protested, a sweet looking-blonde haired 7 year old came out of nowhere and gave him the crosshead screw driver

"Thank you princess," he said in a childish voice, the little girl blushed and her twin sister came up behind him and hugged him,

"Bed time now" she said in an innocent way, however Shioji knew what she meant…

"I'll be there in a minute sweetheart, uncle sugar just going to finish his 'pretty' robot toy…"

He fiddled with his screwdriver on the chip, when he had finished he made his way towards the two Ropponmatsus that stood up against a stand. The robots were lifeless. All they needed now was the chip

But as he was about to put the chip into them, the front door burst open-to reveal a group of Puchuus. The twin girls screamed but then relaxed when they saw how adorable the Puchuus looked; "Arrhhh! There are soooooooo cute!"

"What do you want?" Shioji was not so easily fooled, he knew how evil they REALLY were!

"We came," said one of the puchuus who face changed to look like a human's, "to make a deal with you"

Shioji didn't say anything at first, but then turned to his girls and spoke to them in a childish voice,

"You wait for me in the bedroom while I talk to these teddy bears, ok?"

"Ok" they replied and they rushed to the bedroom, Shioji put on his 'serious' as he prepared to talk to the intruders

"How can I help you…?"

"We need weaponry, and very big robots, you are the man who can supply us with what we need, correct?" asked the Puchuu

"…Yes" Shioji was unsure whether he should be dealing with people (or creatures) such as these

"HAY BOSS LOOK!" shouted one of the other Puchuus who came in through the door; he was pointing at the two lifeless robots-the Ropponmatsus. The 'boss' Puchuu liked what he saw, "This will do…and we will take that giant robot too" he was referring to the giant robot that stood behind and looked a lot like the 'older' version of the Ropponamtsu

"Hay! Those are my best creations! I'm not just gonna give them away to some common bastard…how much have you got?" Shioji grinned

"We're aliens from Mars…since when did we carry cash?" the Puchuu stated

"Then forget it-" Shioji opened the front door to hint the Puchuus to clear off

"No so fast! I can offer you something else…something that can help you get ANY child you want…" the Puchuu raised his eyebrow and Shioji looked interested

"…Keep talking"

The boss Puchuu whispered in his ear. As he said the unknown-Shioji grinned and his eyes sparkled with lust and anticipation.

"It's a deal!" they shook hands, the deal was sealed, but what exactly did the Puchuus plan to do with the Ropponamtsu? What did the 'boss' Puchuu say to Gojo Shioji?

Only time will tell…

* * *

Meanwhile, in the middle of an unknown location…

Sandora; Papa?

Pedro; Yes son?

Sandora; Remember when we got to the airport?

Pedro; Yes son…

Sandora; and we missed our plane to Japan, to the City of F?

Pedro; Yes son…

Sandora; and you said, 'don't worry son, I'll find a better way to get us to Japan'

Pedro; Yes son…

Sandora; well…let me just ask one question

(The camera zooms out and reveals the two remaining Afro Brothers floating in the Pacific Ocean)

Sandora; why did you think that SWIMMING to Japan would be a good idea?

Pedro broke down into tears, "I don't son, but we must hurry if we are to save the world and those innocent men…"

The two Afro Brothers started to swim again, until Sandora noticed a sharp, gray fin swimming towards them

"No, it cannot be…a SHARK?!" said the frightened Sandora

"WHAT?! A SHARK?….NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

_He he, the song sounds a LOT cooler in my head then it does on the computer…trust me…_

_In case you didn't know (or you're complete dumbass), the 3 author's I mentioned earlier are; J.K Rowling who wrote the 'Harry Potter' books, William Shakespeare who wrote many famous plays such as 'Macbeth' and 'Romeo and Juliet', and last but not least, Cate Teirnan wrote one of my favourite book series called 'Sweep' (or also known as 'Wicca' in England)._

_Anyway, chapter 9 up soon…I hope…please review! It's not that hard! Just press that little button at the bottom of the screen, next to 'Submit Review'._


	9. Ai chuuseishin part 2

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 9; Ai (chuuseishin) part 2

_Author's note; Ok, I've re-read all of my fanfic so far, to try and figure out if I'm doing something wrong. 'Cos before I got lots of lovely reviews. Now I'm not so much…I realized that Yomiko is turning out much meaner than I realized! That WILL change in this chapter-promise! Also I realized that Menchi had suddenly disappeared since chapter 6! So I'll include him in this chapter too._

* * *

In the City Of F, somewhere… 

While chasing Excel out of the ACROSS headquarters, Menchi had been following the newly-visitor to the city, Yomiko. She had hoped to follow Yomiko in order to make sure the she gets rid of her owner once and for all! However, she had no idea her owner and Yomiko could run so fast! She lost the pair of them when they reached the park! She had been strolling around for hours now trying to find them again.

However, when she reached the apartments of where she and her owner lived-she found something else that caught her attention. She found a group of Puchuus waddling towards her way, or were they heading towards the apartments-she couldn't be sure…

Wherever they were heading, she hid in the nearest bushes, she knew how dangerous, and…evil they were-she wasn't going to take any risks! She watched, as she hid in the bushes, the Puchuus had two females following behind them. One female had purple hair and a bandana on, while the other looked more like a young teenager-she had purple and pink hair, with some sort of strange wire coming from the back of her.

The older female was walking in a normal fashion, while the teenager seemed to be 'skipping' rather than walking.

Menchi watched in fascination as she noticed the Puchuus and the 2 females walk into the turning where the apartments were located. At the top of the stairs, leading to the top floor of the apartments, were the 'very' high Jay, Silent Bob, Iwata, Sumiyoshi and Misaki. 

"Where has the Watanabe gone to anyway?" questioned Sumiyoshi, using his very own subtitles

"Oh…he…" began Misaki, she head felt like shit and she found it hard to focus, "he jumped outta the window…I think"

"Well he better stop jacking off-we got a job to do!" Stated Iwata

"Oh do we have to?" asked Silent Bob, again using subtitles

Before Jay could protest, he slipped at the top of the stairs and landed flat onto his face in front of the crowd of Puchuus. As he laid eyes upon them, he could help but stare in wonder, "ohhhh! They're so fucking cute!"

The Puchuus knew that they had found their target, due to the inappropriate swearing. Silent Bob came down the stairs to help Jay up, but he was stunned by their cuteness too. However, Misaki, Iwata and Sumiyoshi knew better, but before they could warn the dirty duo-

"Puchuu!" (_Translation; "kill them!"_) Said the boss Puchuu

The two females looked down at the duo and locked onto their target, "YEAH! GO! GET THEM BIG SISTER!" shouted the younger version of the Ropponmatsu as she skipped with joy

"Who's the tits?" asked Jay, referring to the older Ropponmatsu

"That would be the Ropponmatsu…" Said Iwata, trying to work out if them being here was a good thing, or a bad thing…

His worries were about to be answered, as the older Ropponmatsu bended her knee. A hole formed were her knee cap used to be, and a missile was found within the hole…

"What the f-" said Jay

The Ropponmatsu simply said in unison "Knee-cap missile…FIRE!"

* * *

Meanwhile, In the Alleyway where Excel, Hyatt and Yomiko are located… 

All was still and silent as if all signs of life had left the world. But it was hard to know what to say without rivers of tears being formed, or without a death occurring…

Hyatt had aimed a gun and Yomiko's forehead, who had her papered machine gun aimed at Excel, who just stood their-trying to think of something appropriate to say.

Unfortunately, she could only say this; "Yo Hatchan! What great timing! This geek was about to pull that trigger on me! Now, finish her!!!"

The other two remained motionless, as if they dismissed-or had not-heard what Excel said.

"Well…I guess everything we ever said…everything we ever done to each other…all comes down to this moment, Yomiko…or should I say…'Agent Paper'?" Hyatt hissed; her voice was sweet, yet dry and cold at the same time.

Yomiko looked at the end of the gun, it gave her the chills knowing the fact that _Hyatt_ was aiming it at _her._ She tried not to show any emotion across her face as she looked upon Hyatt; "How did you find out?" asked Yomiko, referring to her secret about being part of the 'Royal British Library Task Force'.

Hyatt shrugged; "Let's just say Lord Ilpalazzo likes to keep tabs on those who wish to enter his Headquarters."

"HAY! AM I MISSING SOMETHIN-" the confused Excel tried to interrupt, but the two of them were in their own little world

"Why did you do it? Was it some sort of game?" Hyatt's voice was shaky and weak; as if she was trying to hold herself together-but with each word said made it harder and harder for her to hold back her endless tears

"A game…? Of course n-" Yomiko tried to comfort Hyatt but she refused to listen

"Did you just _use_ me to get what you wanted? Am I just some stepping stone towards your goal of taking down ACROSS?" the tone in Hyatt's voice made Yomiko shiver

"Maybe you were at first!" Yomiko shouted, desperately trying to get Hyatt to hear her out, "But not anymore…"

Yomiko dropped her weapon, forgetting Excel was there. The gun broke down into the thousands of pieces of paper it was 3 chapters ago. Most of the paper was carried away with the wind, as Yomiko tried to stand but Hyatt stepped towards her and the gun came into contact with Yomiko's skin. Telling her to remain stationary.

"Everything you said to me, and everything else you have left to say is a lie!!"

"Not everything…not when I said I loved y-"

"DON'T EVEN TRY!!" Hyatt let a tear fall down her right cheek; Yomiko could feel both of their hearts breaking

Excel kept asking herself _'what the fuck was going on? What the hell were these bitches talking about? Did I miss something here?'_ But these were questioned that were fated to be left unanswered

"I…" Yomiko felt a slight fear of trying to say the words that longed to escape her mouth; her heart and her soul-she feared that she would pain Hyatt more

"I never intended for this to happen…yes… I admit…I was meant to use you in order to get to ACROSS" a part of Hyatt didn't want to hear this, she wanted to cover her ears and scream at the top of her lungs until this anguish she was feeling had gone away. But another side of her wanted to hear anything-anything in order to prevent herself not to kill her beloved

"I was meant to use you, I expect you to lead me to the ACROSS headquarters-and I knew that you would fall for me, just like I planned…but I didn't expect for me to fall in love with you…"

"CUT CUT CUT! THAT'S ENOUGH OF THE CONFUSION! LETS TAKE A BRAKE SO SOMEONE CAN EXPLAIN TO ME WHERE ALL THIS LOVEY-DOVEY CRAP CAME FROM!" Excel shouted, but again she was not acknowledged of existence. She tried to run across the screen, and tried to do some property damaged (she even tried nudity) but nothing she did could make the audience take their eyes off the couple

"You're not in love with m-" Hyatt couldn't look at her, she tried to shut Yomiko's voice out of her head

"I am!" Yomiko was standing up now, hoping to stand her ground and to try and reach out to Hyatt

"You have to believe me…love, look at me, look into my eyes…you'll know that I mean it!" Yomiko removed her glasses so she could see her eyes _properly_

Hyatt refused to look at her, but images and flashbacks of their time together filled her vision. She remembered their first meeting-when Yomiko first came into town, she remembered their first date, their first kiss, the first time they had confessed their love to each other…and the first time they made love…

"HAY! NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! EVER!! YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW HER! YOU'RE JUST MAKING UP MEMORIES IN ORDER TO GET THE ROMANTIC 'FORBIDDEN LOVE' CRAPPY STORYLINE! IS ANY ONE ELSE HERE GOING TO SAY ANYTHING!?" Not a sound was to be heard in reply, apart from the breaking of Hyatt's heart

She tried to; she tried to hide her emotions towards Yomiko-in order to accomplish what her Lord Ilpalazzo had ordered. She tried to convince herself that she was being lied to all this time and that Yomiko had to die. Her heart and her mind battled out endlessly, but in the end, her heart-or more precisely her love overcame all…

Hyatt sank to her knees in defeat and dropped her weapon to the floor. She cried like their was no tomorrow-she couldn't kill Yomiko-her love was too strong. Yomiko got down on her knees so she was the same level as Hyatt; she wrapped her arms around her into a warm and loving embrace. Yomiko didn't seem to mind Hyatt's tears soaking her brown coat as she rocked her back and forth in her arms.

Excel was too dumb to care or understand what had just happened, she was too busy trying to get pieces of paper left over from Yomiko's gun. Excel tried to stick the pieces of paper together in hope of creating a weapon of her own-yet she failed miserably.

"If this geek can create a weapon that big using only paper-then so can I!" she comforted herself

Hyatt and Yomiko parted from their embrace, Hyatt wiped her tears away as Yomiko went in for the kiss…however their happy time was short lived-as they heard an explosion in the distance…

* * *

_Ok, I got the whole 'Yomiko x Hyatt' idea when I watched episode 16 of 'Excel Saga' (the episode where the Ropponmatsus fall in love with Hyatt and Excel). But I didn't want it all prevey like, so I tried to make the relationship all romantic and beautiful, like Willow and Tara are (or should I say were) in 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'._

_Did any of that make sense? No? TOUGH!_

_Before I go, I just wanna make it clear that I have NOTHING against gay couples or gay people, I love gay people! I think they're really sweet!_

_Chapter 10 up soon…_

_Lilith darkstorm_


	10. I, Puchuu you, dead

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 10; I, Puchuu…you, dead

_Author's Note; I'm sorry for the long delay in updating, my computer was sick! But it's better now! (Hence the new chapter…). Anyway, we have reached a point in the story where all the characters from 'Read or Die' and 'Excel Saga' plus Jay and Silent Bob all should meet each other. Don't you agree? Read..._

* * *

"PREVIOUSLY ON 'EXCEL OR DIE; STRIKE BACK!'" shouted the voice-over, also known as Koshi Rikdo 

(The screen fades onto Jay, Silent Bob, a group of Puchuus, the 2 Ropponmatsus and Iwata)

"YEAH! GO! GET THEM BIG SISTER!" shouted the younger version of the Ropponmatsu as she skipped with joy

"Who's the tits?" asked Jay, referring to the older Ropponmatsu

"That would be the Ropponmatsu…" Said Iwata, trying to work out if them being here was a good thing, or a bad thing…

His worries were about to be answered, as the older Ropponmatsu bended her knee. A hole formed where her knee cap used to be, and a missile was found within the hole…

"What the f-" said Jay

The Ropponmatsu simply said in unison "Knee-cap missile…FIRE!"

"WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO JAY AND SILENT BOB?" Koshi Rikdo continued in a dramatic, proud voice, "WILL THEY SCREW ANY HOT ANIME BABES? WILL THEY SURVIVE THE 'MISSILE OF DEATH'?"

"It's not 'the missile of death', it's a 'Knee-cap missile' dumbass!" protested the Space Butler

"WHO'S ASKED YOU? I'M THE VOICE OVER; I'LL SAY WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT!!!"

"Whatever…" said the grumpy space butler and walked off, muttering under his breath

"Anyway…as I was saying…WILL THE PUCHUUS SUCCED IN THEIR PLANS TO DEMOLISH THE DIRTY DUO JAY AND SILENT BOB? AND WILL THE AUTHOR SUCCED IN MAKING HER READERS LAUGH OUT LOUD UNTIL THEIR SIDES HURT?"

"Not bloody likely…" Lilith darkstorm muttered, half to herself, half to anyone who is reading

"FIND OUT-IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF 'EXCEL OR DIE; STRIKE BACK!' (ok now where my money?)" Koshi Rikdo exits with his cash

* * *

The 'Knee-cap missile' hovered over to its target, Jay and Silent Bob, upon touching their bodies the missile immediately exploded. The earth itself shook and darkness enveloped all those who were near the duo. The temperature of the atmosphere dramatically increased around them and extremely loud 'explosive' noises were heard from miles around. Watanabe woke in time, from his hang-over, to see the results of the explosion. 

After all the smoke cleared, everyone was seen on their back sides, many were injured; _Man…how long did I pass out for?_ Watanabe thought to himself

The dirty duo were black all-over (burnt to a crisp…not literally, just on the outside…you know what I mean!!)

"…Ow….I guess a make-out session is out of the question then?" Jay questioned to the older Ropponmatsu

Just as the smoke cleared, Excel, Hyatt and Yomiko came onto the scene-the explosion they had heard from the previous chapter came from this area. Whether it was because of the shock of the explosion-or whether her lungs were filled up with blood again-Hyatt passed out and fell to the floor with a loud 'thud'.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?" Excel asked, yet the sight of Puchuus outside her apartment building pretty much answered her question. However, Yomiko was oblivious of the 'evilness' of the Puchuus; "Oh! They're sooooo cute!" she said as her cheeks blushed and she gazed upon the group of Puchuus

Excel had to set her straight; "DON'T BE FOOLED AGENT GEEK! THOSE CREATURES MAYBE CUTE-BUT THEY ARE EVIL! EVIL I TELL YOU! ALL CUTE THINGS ARE EVIL! (Take rubber ducks and moogles for example)."

"But…but I'm cute looking…and I'm not evil…"

Excel looked at Yomiko up and down, failing to see anything cute looking about Yomiko-'_yeah right, keep telling yourself that'_ she thought to herself

The group of Puchuus couldn't believe their eyes, their faces changed into human faces, "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN?!" questioned the Puchuu leader-ignoring the commotion going on behind him involving the 3 girls

"HOW COULD YOU SURVIVE THAT MISSILE?"

"I'm not sure…" replied Jay, proud of himself, "But ever since we got to this fucking town we've been fucking indestructible!" Silent Bob nodded in agreement

"In… indestructible? Oh my God!" Yomiko realized the truth, she turned to Excel, "Do you know what this means?"

Excel, being completely oblivious, just blankly stared at her

"Those two men just survived, and they just said they were indestructible! They can't die! That means they are…" she trailed off, hoping Excel would finish her sentence, but Excel still had no idea what see was blabbing on about

Yomiko sighed and shook her head, "Remember back in chapter 6-"

"WOAH WOAH…you lost me…" said the simple minded Excel

"Remember when we argued in Ilpalazzo's headquarters?" Excel still had no idea

Yomiko was getting fed up with this, "You called me a 'geek'…"

"OH! I remember now! Why didn't you just say that earlier?" Excel asked

"sigh…anyway, after that…you said that the main character can't be killed…and only that 'afro haired' guy-"

"Nabeshin" Excel corrected Yomiko

"…and only _Nabeshin_ knew who the main character in this crossover was…"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT GOT TO DO WITH WHATS HAPPENING NOW?!"

Yomiko had reached her peak, she was always trained at the Royal British Library Task Force to keep her cool and to always have control over her emotions-but Excel's small little mind and dim-wittedness was getting on her last nerve; she wacked Excel with her book and went out of control…

"FOR PETE'S SAKE! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU WHEN THEY HANDED OUT THE BRAINS?! I MEAN-COME ON! IT'S SO SIMPLE! THE MAIN CHARACTER-CAN'T BE KILLED, WE WERE THE MAIN CHARACTERS-NOW WE'RE NOT, THE TWO MEN OVER THERE-THEY _JUST_ SAID THAT THEY WERE _INDESTRUCTIBLE_! THEREFORE THESE TWO MEN _ARE_ THE MAIN CHARACTERS OF THIS CROSSOVER!!" Yomiko deeply and loudly breathed in and out, in order to regain her strength

"…oh…now that you put it that way…it _is_ that simple…yeah" Excel claimed, pretending she knew what Yomiko just shouted at her.

The others had heard what Yomiko said (well, who didn't?) "But Hyatt comes back from the dead all the time; she seems to be indestructible too…" Iwata wondered

"Yeah but that's part of her characterization!" Excel offered, "She doesn't count in this situation…"

"Well that explains everything!" Sumiyoshi said in his subtitled way-happy with this explanation

"What?! These fools are the main characters?" The leader Puchuu questioned,

"That's it man! We fuckers are the main characters!" stated the happy Jay, Silent Bob seemed happy too, "And every main character gotta have a chick to screw-"

"PUCHUUUUUUU!!" (_Translation; "THIS CAN'T BEEEEEEEE!"_) The leader Puchuu screamed, all attention of the characters and readers were directed onto him, and Hyatt woke up from her 'death experience'

"I SWORE TO MYSELF AND TO ALL PUCHUU ALIKE THAT I SHALL WIPE YOU TWO OFF THE FACE OF THIS UNIVERSE! HOW CAN I DO THAT WHEN YOU TWO ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE?"

"Woah man…what the fuck is wrong? What have you got against us?" Jay questioned

"In the olden days, when TV animation was for children-and when Madonna was cool, cute creatures-such as us were praised and worshipped…" the Puchuu leader explained, "you see…back in those times…people flinched and thought it was barbaric if nudity, swear words, violence or ugly people were seen, heard or even suggested on television. Those were the best times; I was loved by children and by girly-girls from around the globe…"

All of the characters listened carefully to the Puchuu's words; "BUT NOW…" they were shocked by his sudden change in tone

"But now! Ever since recently, ever since people like YOU TWO-" pointing at Jay and Silent Bob, "and ever since that naughty, gay referred and dirty video from 'Frankie goes to Hollywood's smash hit; 'Relax', EVERYTHING CHANGED!"

"I LOVE THAT SONG!" Excel began to dance and sing in an inappropriate manner, "_Relax…don't do it…when you want to go to it...Relax"_

The Puchuu ignored Excel, "People didn't want to see cute, fluffy, pink, adorable ME or any other cute creatures on television anymore! All they wanted was more swear words, more nudity, more violence, more more MORE! Oh sure, me and the other Puchuus tried to be more violent and evil…but all that got us is a minor role in the most stupid anime I have ever heard of, called 'Excel Saga'"

"OI! That's MY anime that you're mocking over there!" shouted Excel

"The only thing we liked about it was that we had no competition with the other characters over who is the most intelligent and best all around-'cos all of them are a bunch of IDIOTS!"

"Hay!"

"That's so mean!"

"I recent that…even though it's true!" commented Excel Saga staff and characters

"When we heard about YOU TWO coming onto _our_ show, we had to get rid of you-before Koshi Rikdo sees you and replaces US with YOU! That is why, we cannot allow you to live…we **_will_** kill you, we have MORE than just 2 Ropponmatsus you know! You may be the main characters now…but wait until you see our SECRET WEAPON!! AND WITH IT WE SHALL DESTROY ALL PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST LIKE YOU!!!! MHAHAHAHA!!!"

A loud and heavy 'stomp' was heard from behind the cast of characters, as they turned around to see where the sound came from-they screamed in fear to see 2 giant robots standing behind them! Both of the robots were 60 foot tall, packed full with grenades, missiles, lasers-the works!! The two robots looked different on the outside though-one looked like the older model of the Ropponmatsu, and the other looked like a giant Puchuu. But it was no doubt-that both of these robots were made at the hands of the greatest (yet pervey-est) scientist of all-Gojo Shioji!!!

By the time the characters recovered from the shock of seeing these two robots, the group of Puchuus was already making their way into the machine to operate it, to kill Jay and Silent Bob, and any other people who got in their way!

"Holy fuck dude!" feared Jay

"I somehow doubt that we are going to survive this…" said Silent Bob in his subtitled way

Watanabe, Iwata and Sumiyoshi were already in 'panic' mode-they may be from the department of city security-but they have NEVER faced anything like this before. Misaki tried to call Kabapu in order to request his guidance in his situation, but he was engaged

"OH CRAP! THIS DOESN'T LOOK GOOD WHAT-SO-EVER! WHAT SHALL YOUR EXCEL DO? PLEASE HELP ME LORD ILPALAZZO!"

"EVERYBODY CLAM DOWN!!!!" screamed Yomiko, the other characters froze immediately and looked in her direction. To their surprise, they saw a giant paper airplane parked right next to her.

"I have a plan that is surely to work. But I'm going to need all of your co-operation." Agent Paper stated

"Woah look at that! How did you make that?" the boys stared in wonder

"You thought of a plan in a matter of seconds?" Misaki asked

Yomiko tutted, "No silly, I'm an agent! I know better than to just simply STAND there and listen to the enemy's crappy excuses to destroy the world!"

The others looked rather confused, Yomiko decided to fill in the gaps;

"Look…I've read too many James Bond and other detective stories-as well as battle countless bad guys and completed too many missions to know, that when some baddie to bragging on about his 'master' plan or when he's giving his 'reasons' for destroying the world, that you DON'T just stand there and listen! In the time you're taking into listening to the enemy's crappy speech-you could be captured or killed! When REALLY you should be executing you're plan to stop them!" You have to admit, she's got a point! (I hope you're reading this, fellow agents…and Pierce Brosnan)

"While all of you (and that includs you-readers!)" Yomiko says to the forth wall, "were wasting time, I spotted the 2 giant machines and have already come up with a plan to save Jay and Silent Bob's lives and to disable the robots!" Yomiko gloated, and the others looked rather impressed-Excel, was however red in the face with anger, and her eyes were burning with jealousy. Hyatt, on the other hand gazed upon Agent Paper lovingly, "That's my Yomiko!" she says

"My plan is sure to work, but we have to work together!"

"NO WAY! I'M NOT WORKING WITH YOU GEEK!" Excel turned her back on the group and crossed her arms to stand her ground

"Come on Excel," Yomiko asked, "I know that we have our differences, we don't get along and that I think you are the most annoying and pathetic agent of all time…but in my plan…I really need you…"

Excel wasn't really thrilled about the idea, but what choice did she have? Her Lord Ilpalazzo's City of F was in danger by the giant robots-she had to defend her Lord's city, for her love and loyalty towards him is forever and strong…

"…Ok, but I better be of GOOD use!"

"And for us too!" said two unknown voices, two men jumped unto the scene and landed next to Yomiko.

"Pedro! Sandora!" said Excel

"We are two of the legendary 'Afro Brothers'! We came to lend you our power! We have swam across seas-" started Sandora

"And defeated scary looking sharks…" Pedro felt the need to add in

"…in order to get here, to save the lives of Jay and Silent Bob!"

Jay and Silent Bob were enjoying this, despite the circumstances that a group of cute creatures wanted to kill them; they liked the idea of anime characters willing to sacrifice their lives for them! Yomiko was grateful for the extra help and they huddled together to hear her plan

"Ok so what is our objective?" asked Pedro

"We have to save Jay and Silent Bob's lives by first destroying those giant killing robots…" Pedro didn't notice them before and jumped when he saw one standing right behind him

"WHAT?! GIANT KILLING ROBOTS? NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Poor predictable Pedro...

* * *

_Wow, that was a long one. Hope it was good enough. Review review REVIEW! Chapter 11 up soon I hope, where the ultimate battle begins!_

_Lilith Darkstorm_


	11. Final Battle Part 1

Excel or Die; Strike Back! Chapter 11; Final Battle part 1

_Author's note; Hiya, sorry for the long update, not only did my computer run into problems but also, I've been ill quite a lot during the holidays. And by the time I got better, it was time to go to college! Damn the summer hols for being so quick! Anyways, this is where the big battle begins. _

_As you might have noticed, I have changed the rating of this fic from PG-13 to R rated. This is 'cos I realized just how much swearing, drug and sex references I have put into this fanfic. Plus, in this chapter I have also referenced some 'sex themes' that PG-13's wouldn't normally allow (Thank you Shioji). This is just to keep me out of shit, and to allow me to keep this fic up! __Anyway…moving on…_

* * *

The boss of the department of city security, Kabapu, was found in his office-he was on the phone;

"Yes….huh-huh....ok….thanks for letting us know." He hung up and shook his head, just as his secretary-Momoji walked into his office

"Sigh…that's the fifth phone call today that has complained about some '2 giant robots' that are apparently terrorizing and damaging the city…"

"Um Sir…" said the unsure Momochi, "If there have been more than one person calling about this…maybe its true-"

"Oh come on!" remarked Kabapu, as he wheeled around on his chair slowly, "If there really were '2 giant robots' I would've seen them by-" just as he was facing the window to the outside world, he saw a giant Puchuu face starting back at him

"n-AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The giant Puchuu robot walked off into the heart of the city, as he turned around Kabapu managed to recover and also found a signature on the back of the robot's head, which read; "PROPERTY OF GOJO SHIOJI. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED."

"Momoji! Get Gojo Shioji on the phone!"

* * *

"Right, what's the master plan then?" questioned Excel to Yomiko

"Well…I think that the first thing we should do is…RUN FOR OUR LIVES!!" Yomiko screamed as she noticed that the foot of the giant Ropponmatsu robot was about to make them into pancakes. Yomiko dismantled the giant paper plane she had made to prevent it from being squashed, she stuffed some pieces of paper into her pockets but most of it fell to the floor, since she did not have time to put them into her suitcase. The others did not hesitate to 'run for their lives'; they all ran together as fast as they could away from the two robots. The crowd was being chased by 2 giant robots and the 2 Ropponmatsus-this didn't look good; never-the-less, Yomiko decided to take charge and announced the plan as they ran.

"Right, first off is to hide Jay and Silent Bob-Hyatt take them to the safest location you know!"

"Uh-huh…but I want to help you-" Hyatt replied

"We don't have time to discuss this! I want you and them two at a safe distance! Please Hyatt!" Yomiko looked hardly at her, Hyatt finally nodded but was not happy with the fact of her lover risking her life for the sake of this city

"Next, you two," she looked at Misaki and Sumiyoshi, "you must disguise as Jay and Silent Bob in order to distract the giant Puchuu robot-just until we have disposed on the giant and the 2 smaller Ropponmatsus. I suggest you borrow some of Jay and Bob's clothing, such as their hats and coats, to deceive the robot easily." Misaki and Sumiyoshi weren't exactly thrilled with the idea-but it would have to do.

"Next, Pedro and Sandora; as they distract the Puchuu robot you must start on destroying the knees of the giant Ropponmatsu."

"Why the knees?" Pedro and Sandora asked

"That's its weak point! Hopefully by doing this, it will distract the robot from the real Jay and Silent Bob and also us." They nodded in agreement

"Iwata and Watanabe-tell everybody to evacuate the city, save as many lives as you can!"

"Couldn't we just run-like-hell to our mothers instead?" Iwata remark, Watanabe slapped Iwata to snap him out of it, he then turned to Yomiko

"You can count on us!"

"And lastly, Excel, you and I are going to destroy the 2 Ropponmatsus. Once we are done, we will dispose of the 2 giant robots too! I'll explain how later."

Excel hesitated, but she didn't want Yomiko to take all the glory of saving Ilpalazzo's soon-to-be city. She nodded

"Everybody got that?"

"yeah…" everyone was unsure, and nervous…but they had to save the lives of Jay and Silent Bob, and to save the city of F.

"Good, let's do it!" With that, all of them went their separate ways; Hyatt took Jay and Silent Bob towards the ACROSS headquarters, Misaki and Sumiyoshi took Jay's and Bob's hats and jackets to prepare to cause a diversion, Pedro and Sandora ran towards the direction of the giant Ropponmatsu, Iwata and Watanabe disappeared into the distance and the remaining two; Excel and Yomiko prepared themselves for battle.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DEFEAT THESE CRAZY ROPPONMATSUS?" Excel pleaded

"Just do what you can; think about your 'dear' Lord Ilpalazzo and how proud he would be that you are defending his city!" Excel's imagination drifted her into her fantasy world, with Ilpalazzo praising her for saving his dear city. Excel's smile grew as her heart filled up with love;

"LETS KISS SOME ASS!" she said

The Ropponmatsus were searching for their target; Jay and Silent Bob, they locked onto them as they saw them running off with Hyatt into the distance.

"Target locked" the older Ropponmatsu said

"Let's get them big sister!" yelped the younger Ropponmatsu, but then Yomiko and Excel blocked their view of their target.

"You'll have to get past us first!" Excel said in a brave voice, but her courage was soon erased as the Ropponmatsus diverted their attentions onto them.

"I don't suppose you're going to surrender peacefully are you?" Despite her being an agent, Yomiko would always rather NOT do combat. The older Ropponmatsu's reply was a small missile from her forehead. The missile drifted from her forehead onto Yomiko's body, she counter-attacked by pulling a few pieces of paper from her pocket and converting it into a samurai sword. She sliced right through the missile and she was remained unharmed.

_'I STILL don't know how she does that!'_ Excel thought. The four of them were now locked in combat, with Yomiko battling with the older Ropponamtsu and Excel dealing with the younger one.

Yomiko ran towards her opponent and aimed her sword at her legs, she hoped to remove them in order to disable any further movement of the Ropponmatsu; however her opponent dodged it and elbowed Yomiko in the stomach. She fell to the floor but quickly recovered in order to avoid her next attack.

As Excel looked at her opponent, a sense of fear over took her. Her legs were frozen and her arms refused to do hand-to-hand combat. She then suddenly recognized the Ropponmatsu; "Yo Bitch, remember me! Its Excel you're big sister, remember way back in episode 16 of 'Excel Saga'?" She shivered at the memory of the 'experiences' that took place between her and this Ropponmatsu-but she hoped to use this to avoid a battle.

But since memory of episode 16 had been erased from Ropponmatsu's database, she had no idea what she was talking about; "my big sister is the other Ropponmatsu-you shall die for trying to trick me! YIPPEE!" She skipped and started throwing grenades at the defenseless Excel, she reacted by running away and screaming;

"PLEASE HELP ME LORD ILPALAZZO!"

"Excel!" Yomiko called out but she was interrupted by the opponent jumping onto her. She used her paper sword in order to prevent the Ropponmatsu from coming any closer; she was lying on the floor with Ropponmatsu on top of her. She used the sword in order to block the metallic hands that were aimed at her throat.

Yomiko then suddenly heard Joker's voice coming from the earpiece that she was wearing;

"Agent Paper please report, how is your mission progressing?"

_'Perfect timing…'_ she thought to herself, not that she was blaming Joker, he had not heard from her for quite a while

"Um…Joker can I call you back? I'm in the middle of fighting for my life …" she said as she struggled to keep the Ropponmatsu's hands at a distance from her bare neck

"Oh…" Joker was not quite sure on how to reply, "No problem. Make sure you stay alive."

"Affirmative sir." Yomiko said and Joker hung up. However from Excel's point of view; since she couldn't see the earpiece that Yomiko was wearing, it looked like Yomiko was talking to herself, "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO BITCH? STOP YOUR JIBBERING AND HELP ME!"

Yomiko ignored this statement and concentrated on finishing off the Ropponmatsu. She pushed the Ropponmatsu off and then noticed the Ropponmatsu's eyes glowing-she was going to release twin lasers at her. Before they could be released, Yomiko jumped into the air and sliced the Ropponmatsu in half from top to bottom with her paper sword. Both sides of the Ropponmatsu fell to the floor with a 'clunk'. Sparks of electricity remained from where the circuit used to be complete before Yomiko cut it in half.

"That's one down…" Yomiko then noticed that Excel was STILL running around like crazy. "FIGHT HER EXCEL! THINK OF ILPALAZZO AND HIS BEAUTIFUL CITY!"

_'The geek is right' _Excel thought to herself _'if I don't protect his city, then who will?'_ She stopped in her tracks and waited for the Ropponmatsu to get close enough in order to release her special attack. When Ropponmatsu was within range, she tossed all common sense aside and unleashed thousands upon thousands of punches upon the robots body. With each punch, Ropponmatsu complained in pain as Yomiko watched in amazement. Finally, Excel unleashed her final punch as she shouted; "PANCAKE!" She then turned around and said to the fourth wall;

"ACROSS Biyou Fist!"

After the Ropponmatsu got up, she stated; "Damage count; zero! He he!"

"WHAT?! ALL THOSE PUNCHES DID ZERO DAMAGE!"

"I'M NOT FINISHED YET!" stated Excel, "she may have not been hurt, but her body will seize to exist in 3 seconds. 1 2 3!"

Then suddenly, POOF! Ropponmatsu's body metamorphized into a small, 1 inch girl with a frilly dress and cats ears. "…Puni?" Ropponmatsu failed to understand what happened to her, but she was now unable to use any other her missiles, lasers or grenades that she packed within her metal body.

"…Good work. Surprisingly…good work…" Yomiko trailed off, she was slightly breathless from the fight-but it's not over yet

"Right. What now?" Excel asked, she was itching for another battle now that she had a taste of victory!

Yomiko took the remaining pieces of paper from her pocket, plus some pieces of paper she found on the floor; and created another paper plane. Not as big as the one she created earlier-but big enough for her and Excel to ride on. "Next, we are going for a little ride…"

* * *

"Hail Ilpalazzo!" Hyatt announced weakly, Ilpalazzo looked happy to see his favorite agent, but wondered who the two men were

"Miss Hyatt, have you forgotten that we don't allow IGNORANT CITIZENS inside the headquarters of the top secret agent of ACROSS?" he questioned

"I'm afraid sir, that your city of F is under attack by Puchuus and giant robots, and these two men are the main targets. Please sir, let them hide here for a while, just until we disable the robots." Hyatt fluttered her eye lashes and Ilpalazzo felt weak at the knees

"…oh alright, but only because you have asked me so nicely." He replied and Hyatt ran towards the exit of the ACROSS headquarters

"Yo sexy bitch!" Jay called out Hyatt, "I thought you were meant to look after us!"

"SORRY I HAVE TO GO! I CAN'T LET YOMIKO FIGHT ALONE-cough cough cough" Hyatt disappeared and the two of them were left with Ilpalazzo

"Normally if ignorant masses were in my ACROSS headquarters-I would give them toilet cleaning duty." Jay and Silent Bob winced at the thought of them cleaning toilets

"But since Hyatt has asked me to look after you, we will do something else," Jay and Silent Bob prepared themselves for the worst, but then relaxed when Ilpalazzo held out a board game of some sort.

He then asked; "Do you guys know how to play…Monopoly?"

* * *

"GOJO SHIOJI WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Ordered the angry and impatient Kabapu, he stormed into Shioji's home without asking for an invite. He couldn't get through to Shioji by phone-it was constantly engaged, so he decided to pay him a house call. Kabapu found the scientist at his desk, staring intensely at his computer-with frustration and confusion showing in his eyes. He was not aware that Kabapu was in his home

"ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR MOST DEADLY ROBOTS ARE REAKING HAVOC IN THE CITY?!" Shioji simply nodded, not really listening to what Kabapu had to say. Kabapu looked over Shioji's shoulder to see that Shioji was on the internet. He watched as the 'Google' homepage disappeared and changed to a screen saying; 'Unable to find Server; Please check that you have typed in the correct address in the 'web address' bar'. Shioji slammed his fist onto the desk and shouted in anger. "WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!" Kabapu tapped Shioji's shoulder

"What are you doing? Haven't you listened to a word I said?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm TRYING to get onto a website!"

"Shioji-we got bigger problems to worry about, rather than some stupid computer error! Two of your most deadliest robots are destroying the city!"

"I know." Shioji replied simply and clicked the 'Refresh' button on the 'Internet Explorer' window, Kabapu was shocked by his reply

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'I KNOW'?? WHY AREN'T YOU STOPPING THEM?"

"HAY! What they do with my robots is none of my business…"

"Who are 'they'?" asked the curious Kabapu

"Those screwed up teddy bears from Mars…what are they called again? Oh yeah…Puchuus…" Shioji said, not taking his eyes off the computer screen

"Why would they want a pair of giant robots?" Kabapu stroked his chin, to hint that he was thinking

"They mentioned something about 'killing the gits that stole their glory and fame'…" Shioji groaned again when he saw that the website failed to load again.

Kabapu grabbed Shioji's shirt and lifted him off the chair and off his feet-in order to draw his attention away from the computer.

"AND YOU GAVE THE ROBOTS TO THEM FREELY??????!!" Shioji failed to release himself from Kabapu's grip

"No no no! I'm not that stupid! I got a good bargain for it…the web address to the best site to meet…chicks…"

Kabapu lowered Shioji so he was able to stand on his own two feet; "What " Shioji whispered in Kabapu's ear, as if afraid of others hearing of his words. Kabapu released Shioji, the scientist sat down on his seat and drew his attention back onto the computer-more determined to get onto the site

"…Shioji…there is no such website…" Shioji stopped and stared into Kabapu's face-as if searching for a sign that he was lying.

"…you're lying, right?...RIGHT?!" Kabapu shook his head, Shioji got up from his seat in disbelief, "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he screamed in anguish as he buried his face in his hands

Kabapu sighed; "We have no time for this! There are two robots destroying the city, and I can't get into contact with my main city security team. Is there anyway of stopping them?" Shioji thought for a moment and clicked his fingers shortly afterwards. He had an idea.

"Get me a flat head screw driver, 20 screws, a modem and 45 minutes."

"What are you going to build?" Kabapu eyed him curiously

"…you'll have to wait and see…"

* * *

_As you can see, from the last section of this chapter, why I wanted (or needed) to change the rating of this fic to R._

_As a side note, the 'special attack' I made Excel used was from episode 23, the one that took the piss out of 'Mad Max' a lot. _

_Anyway, most of the next chapter is written up and the last chapter just needs a read over. So I shouldn't be too long before I update again. Be patient._

_Lilith darkstorm_


	12. Final Battle Part 2

Excel or die; Strike Back! Chapter 12; Final Battle Part 2

_Author's note; So sorry for the delay in updating my story, the long list of reasons include illness, tiredness, college, coursework and so forth. Oh well, I'm here now and the last chapter has been completed too! _

**

* * *

**

_In the roads of the City of F_

Hidden away in the darkness, Sumiyoshi and Misaki were getting into pieces of clothing that were once on Jay's and Silent Bob's body. Sumiyoshi silently put on Silent Bob's cap and coat and Misaki did the same-but with Jay's hat and jacket.

_'Guard this with your life!' _Jay's voice rang in Misaki's head as she remembered what he said as she snatched it from his hollow head. She shook her head to remove his voice from her brain and then took out the hair band that held up her long pony tail. Her hair fell down to her hip and over the top of Jay's big, bulky orange coat. She forced the hat onto her head and zipped up the jacket. She was grateful that the jacket was bulky and not tight fitting, so her breasts were not so noticeable.

Misaki turned around to see Sumiyoshi had already got into Silent Bob's cap and coat-apart from the glasses he looked a lot like him! She drew a mirror she kept in her right boot and looked into her reflection;

"My shame is immeasurable." she commented as she realised how stupid she looked.

"There's something that is not quite right you know…" Sumiyoshi remarked

"What's that?"

"Well we are meant to trick the robot into thinking we are 'Jay and Silent Bob' right? So that he chases after us instead of them right?"

"…right."

"But the thing is; we are fragile human beings that can be vaporised into dust with one blast from their ray beams. And Jay and Silent Bob are indestructible and can't be killed so easily…so…wouldn't it make sense for _them_ to be the distraction?" Misaki paused and realised that he was right…but before she could protest, the Puchuu robot had already locked onto them, and shot a laser beam at them, which missed by a margin. Misaki and Sumiyoshi noticed the burnt stain on the floor where the laser beam had hit, they looked at each with fear-then ran away.

**

* * *

**

"ARE YOU INSANE?! I'M NOT GETTING ON THAT!" Excel bellowed, for some reason-she resented flying around the city skies on an airplane made purely out of pieces of paper…

"Its safe, I guarantee you! It's big enough for the two of us and it _should_ last us until we get to our targets."

"It SHOULD last us?! WHY does that NOT sound comforting?!"

"Okay, I agree that it doesn't sound comforting; but we don't have a lot of time…please just trust me…"

_'I don't really have a choice. I MUST save Lord Ilpalazzo's city! Even at the cost of Excel's life'_

Excel climbed onto the plane and Yomiko used her powers to make her plane take flight. Excel underestimated the speed of the plane and the strong blows of the wind-she nearly fell off but Yomiko managed to grab hold her just in time. As they drew closer the centre of the City of F, Excel noticed the 2 robots in action. One was chasing Misaki and Sumiyoshi, and the other was under attack by the mighty powers of the 2 Afro Warriors.

"Now Excel, its time to prove what you are worth. Listen to me carefully…"

Excel tried as hard as she could to listen to Yomiko's commands-but it was heard enough to hear her with the sounds of wind gushes and people screaming from down below flooding in her ears.

"You got it?" Yomiko asked

"Yeah, just one question…" said the hesitant Excel

"Make it quick! We don't have much time to spare…"

"Did you know that…I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?!"

"No…but thanks for letting me know!" and Yomiko pushed Excel off her paper-plane onto the back of the Puchuu robot. Excel screamed as she fell, but luckily she managed to grab hold of a ladder made of metal bars that were attached to the robot's back. As Excel looked up, she saw that it lead to the door to the cock-pit. She then heard (and felt) her stomach rumble and growl with hunger-at the worst possible time.

_'Oh no.__ Excel is hungry and she has barely any strength left to climb up this ladder. Oh I really need something to eat…such as…'_ An image of her emergency food supply-Menchi came into her head. In her sick mind poor Menchi was served with vegetables, rice and black bean sauce! Excel eventually snapped herself out of her fantasies. "EXCEL MUST GO ON! DESPITE HER HUNGER!"

She used all of her strength and will-power in order to keep hold of the metal ladder, eventually she got to the top and twisted the knob of the door. The door to the cock-pit was open.

"Puchuu! Puchuu Puchuu Puchuu!" (_Translation; Intruder Alert!__ Dispose of her immediately!_) With Excel's random-ness and lack of common sense, she simply kicked and punched all Puchuus in sight without giving it a second thought.

"HHHIIIIYYAAA! THIS IS TO SAVE LORD ILPALAZZO'S CITY!" she screeched. The Puchuus tried to stop her, but all they had at their disposal was their wooden 'staffs'. Before she knew it, she found herself at the main machine which contained all the buttons and levers to controlling the Puchuu robot.

Excel then suddenly remembered what Yomiko had ordered her to do before she was 'pushed off' the paper plane.

_'The Puchuu robot is a 3rd class robot, not a big threat compared to the other one. In order to stop the robot, all you have to do is press the 'OFF' switch'_ As Excel's eyes browsed through the buttons and levers on the machine, and on top of the machine-was this great, big, giant red button which read 'TURN OFF ROBOT'. But of course, considering how dim-witted Excel was; she did not think to press it;

"EXCEL IS TOO SIMPLE TO THINK OF SUCH COMPLICATED SITUATIONS! AS EXCEL ALWAYS SAYS; WHEN IN DOUBT-DESTROY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!!!!"

And so she did, she picked up a Puchuu and started to smash its body against the machine it self. "OW! MY PANCREAS!" The Puchuu screamed in pain, but nothing that he, or anyone else, could say in order to stop the destruction the Excel was causing. Levers were broken, buttons were crushed, the metal case of the machine was bent, wires snapped and Puchuu's complained about how much the repairs were going to cost them. It was not until the damage that Excel caused-lead to the 'self-destruct' system being activated.

_'This robot will self destruct in 20 minutes. Please Evacuate.'_ The machine warned as red lights flashed within the cock pit, Excel stopped and looked at the mess she had caused. Everything was ruined and/or destroyed and she could see nothing that was capable of stopping the 'self-destruct' mode

Sweat was seen dripping down the side of her face as she said; "Errr…..oops!"

**

* * *

**

_Meanwhile, In the ACROSS headquarters_

"YES! Marvin Gardens is mine!" Jay got up from the floor and started to do a silly little dance in the name of victory. The 3 of them, Ilpalazzo, Jay and Silent Bob were playing a nice game of Monopoly. Jay and Silent Bob were seated on the floor near Ilpalazzo, he was seated in his throne.

"Good one Jay." Silent Bob said in his subtitled way; he reached for the deck of cards which contained information, names and prices of all the property that can be bought within the board game. He found a card with the property name 'Marvin Gardens' on it and gave it to Jay

"That means now you own 8 pieces of property, I own 3…" Silent Bob said, flashing his property cards. He then looked at Ilpalazzo, "and you own none…"

Ilpalazzo gave a cold and evil stare at Jay as he continued to do his 'victory' dance.

_'You arrogant bastard' _Ilpalazzo thought as he stared at Jay, _'You think you're so cool but you're not! I shall kill you, I'll kill you! You're already dead!'_

"Right Ilpalazzo, it's your turn now..." Jay handed the dice to Ilpalazzo, he shock them in his hands and dropped them on the game board. Silent Bob kindly moved Ilpalazzo's piece (the cannon) around the board-however Ilpalazzo had landed on the space which read 'Go to jail'.

"Ha ha! That's the fifth time you have landed on that space! Now you have to go back to jail!" Jay pointed and laughed at him as Silent Bob moved Ilpalazzo's game piece to the space reading 'jail'. "You're such a LOSER! I OWN this game!"

"On the contrary…" Ilpalazzo said, "It is **_I_** who has conquered this game."

The other two looked rather confused, "What the fuck are you talking-" Jay tried to protest

"And it is YOU who is going to jail!" And with that, Ilpalazzo pulled on his trusty rope and the floor beneath Jay and Silent Bob's feet vanished.

The cries from Jay and Silent Bob began to fade as they fell deeper and deeper into the darkness, Ilpalazzo then kicked the board game into the bottomless pit itself

"I hate it when I lose..." he grumbled

**

* * *

**

_In the centre of the City of F_

"NABE-HAME-HA!!!" The 2 Afro Brothers, Pedro and Sandora, both unleash their special attacks upon the fearsome Ropponmatsu robot. The beam of pure blue light reached the robot's hard case, however this giant robot is not as weak as the other-with the best armour, best weaponry and greater accuracy rate in hitting its target; it's easily one of the most deadliest robots around. Even thought the beam was aimed at the knees of the robot-he failed to fall to the ground.

"Papa, I don't think I can hold on much longer…" Sandora struggled to say as he used the last of his strength to speak

Just as he said these words, Yomiko came flying into the scene on her paper airplane; she flew towards the Ropponmatsu robot and saw how the Afro brothers struggled against the robot's awesome power. Yomiko tilted her plane to the right so that she was flying vertically, she then touched the top layers of her plane and commanded; "HARDEN!" The pieces of paper became as hard as diamonds and as sharp as nails; Yomiko glided the plane so that the hard right wing of the plane would go through the right arm of the robot. As she flew past the robot, the right wing of her plane sliced through the robots arm as if it were as soft as butter. Sparks flew where the wires were connected before, and the giant robot's arm began to fall to the floor.

Before Yomiko had the chance to make her next move, she saw Hyatt running towards the battle scene, into the spot where the robotic arm was falling towards…but Hyatt had to no clue of this….and Yomiko was too far away to get to her on time.

"HYATT!!! NOOOOOOO!!!" she screamed with all her heart and soul, and as if the Gods heard her cry-Watanabe came in the nick of time and swept Hyatt off her feet. He carried her and ran away from the falling robotic arm.

"Must save all the citizens! Must save all the citizens!" he chanted to himself with half of the citizens of the City of F behind him, and Iwata carrying an old woman on his back. The old woman spanked him with her walking stick and shouted, "FASTER! RUN FASTER YOU WUSS!"

"OW! STOP THAT!" Iwata begged

A sigh a relief filled Yomiko, knowing that Hyatt was safe will allow her to get back to what she is meant to do-stopping the evil Puchuu's plans. She re-directed her attention towards the Ropponmatsu giant robot; she flew towards the Afro brothers-who were still having no luck in penetrating the robot's armour. She called out to them; "Afro Warriors, aim your attacks at the core of the robot-located in the chest. That's its source of power, and its weak point!"

"But I thought that robots must have weak knees-that's a rule right?" Questioned Pedro

"So is having sex with children but that did didn't stop Shioji!" The girl has a point…

"NABE-HAME-HA!" the Afro warrior's called out again, the blue beam of light returned and caused heavy damage on the robots core. The Ropponmatsu robot tried to stop them, however due to the loss of arm and other damages to the circuits, the accuracy of the robot's offensive weapons dropped by 40.

"PUCHUU! (_Translation; MAYDAY! MAYDAY!)"_ The Puchuus could be heard screaming from inside the Ropponmatsu as the part of the metal case covering the core started to melt away. Yomiko the aligned her plane up with the core and took from pieces of paper to make a shield to cover up her fragile body. Her plane went straight through the body of the robot, the hard-diamond like wings sliced through each circuit and every piece of machinery operating the deadly robot. The shield covering Yomiko prevented her from feeling anything when going through the robot's core. The robot was disabled-unable to operate any longer. It fell to the floor and everybody who saw the whole thing happen cheered with joy-the city was saved. The few alive Puchuus within the robot's case moaned in anguish for the failure of their plans…

"PLEASE HELP ME LORD ILAPALZZO! GEEK-I MEAN YOMIKO! HELPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Yomiko jumped at the sound of Excel's panicking screams. She followed the sound of Excel's voice and found herself in the cockpit of the Puchuu robot…the one that Excel was _meant _to get rid of!

She found the cockpit in ruins, Puchuu corpses all over the floor and a siren seemed to be sounding.

"What's the problem?"

_'This robot will self destruct in 1 minute. Please evacuate.'_ The machine seemed to reply to Yomiko's question, Excel looked more freaked than ever.

"Ok, I guess that could be counted as a problem…"

"WHAT DO WE DO? WHAT DO WE DO?" she yelled as she franticly shook Yomiko in desperation.

Fortunately for them, Yomiko has been train and knows how to react in these sorts of situations; she had to de-activate the 'self destruct' system. She then noticed 3 thick wires on the floor-the only wires that have not been ripped into shreds by Excel's previous attack. They followed the wires to their source-a modem hidden in the corner, it was the only thing that was working within the cockpit-it had to be the 'self destruct' system. The 3 wires, one red, one white, one blue were connect to the modem, cut the right one and they were safe…cut the wrong one…BOOM!

Excel has been in this type of situation before…unfortunately for her it did not turn out so well…

Yomiko studied the device carefully, concentrating on how each wire was connected to the modem, she then got out a pair of wire cutters from her pocket and said aloud; "It's this one."

As Yomiko cuts the wire of her choice, Excel flinches and waits for the inevitable death…alas…the machine did not explode. Both of them relaxed and knew that they were to survive, they had won the battle…the Puchuu's crappy plan is demolished.

As Yomiko turned around, Excel squeezed her tightly in an embrace that Yomiko couldn't breathe.

"THANK YOU THANK YOU! EXCEL IS SO HAPPY TO BE ALIVE! MY LORD ILPALAZZO WILL BE SO HAPPY TO KNOW THAT HIS CITY IS STILL HERE TO BE CONQUERED!"

"C…Can't….breathe…" Yomiko replied, Excel released her from her hug and looked at her.

"I guess we work quite well together…thanks for the back up by the way…" Yomiko rolled her eyes and smiled

"Whatever Excel." The pair made their way down to the ground; they were congratulated by the rest of their group and by the citizens of the City of F. As Excel waved to them as a token of her thanks, she thought to herself;

_'Cheer while you can ignorant citizens! For my Lord Ilpalazzo will conquer this city real soon!'_

Suddenly, Kabapu and Shioji rushed into the scene-breathless from running, and saw the Puchuu robot still standing in the middle of the city.

"Good! We are not too late!" Kabapu sighed with relief

"No need to worry folks!" Shioji said to the group, "Uncle Sugar will make everything right again." He drew out a remote control from his coat pocket; it contained a button reading 'Make the robots go BOOM'

"NO NO NO! WE STOPPED THEM DON'T PUSH THE-" The group tried to explain, but it was too late, Shioji had already pushed the button

Tick…tick…tick…BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!

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_Sniff this is nearly the end…one more chapter then I'm outta here! Not that this is a good thing…the last chapter will be up as soon as I get a few reviews for this chapter…_

Lilith darkstorm


	13. All bad things end slowly

Excel or die; Strike Back! Last Chapter; All bad things end slowly…

_Author's note; I guess this is it; this is the end of my first successful fanfiction. I want to thank all those who have reviewed my fanfic during these past few months, (especially __**Seriyu-the-ice-dragon**__ and __**Katca Mcadar**_) _and all those who read my fanfic yet couldn't be bothered to review it!!! Oh well, it's time to rap this baby up and to try and finish my Deathology trilogy over at _

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_In the ACROSS headquarters…_

"HHHHAAAAIIIILLLLL ILPALAZZOOOOOOOOOOO!" Excel screeched at the top of her lungs; however Ilpalazzo did not seem impressed, he just stared into space

"Um….HAIL _LORD_ ILPALA-"

"Excel can you possibly tell me where Agent Hyatt has disappeared off to?" Ilpalazzo interrupted

"Well you see; Lord Ilpalazzo, after the explosion that happened after **_I_** destroyed the robots that threatened to destroy your beautiful city, Hyatt seemed to have disappeared! She left without a word and without a trace. HOWEVER Excel has returned to the top secret headquarters of the top secret organisation of ACROSS to report that the robots have been removed and that the city is in fine condition for you to still conquer it!" Excel's long and fast speech finally came to an end

"That still doesn't answer my question." Ilpalazzo said

"B-but you asked where Hatchan was-" Excel tried to protest, but was interrupted yet again

"I'll ask you one more time; where is the phone that I have asked you to get me?"

"The…the phone?" Excel started to sweat in fear, she remembered in the previous chapter, she remembered buying it back in chapter 5, and she remembered trying to give it to her Lord Ilpalazzo back in chapter 6-but he wasn't in his throne room. But ever since that Yomiko chased her around the city in chapter 8, she had lost the phone…

"Remember? I asked you to buy me a phone, it was crucial to helping me conquer this city…" Ilpalazzo wanted an explanation from Excel

"Um…it seems that your faithful Excel has…_misplaced_ the phone-but but BUT! When your faithful Excel DID have it, Excel came here to give it to you, to show that she has FINALLY accomplished a mission, BUT you were not here! Please forgive me Lord Ilpalazzo! You were not here to receive the phone, you disappeared-"

"Excel…" Ilpalazzo bellowed in an angry tone, "You know that I never EVER leave my throne room, I'm never seen outside this room or off this chair. So that seems that you are LYING to me!"

"B…but…but…Lord Ilpala-" But Excel's attempts to convince Ilpalazzo of her innocence was in vain, as she saw the 'rope of doom' come down from the ceiling and stopping besides Ilpalazzo's right hand.

"And all liars must be punished!" Menchi then appeared out of the blue and sat on the arm-rest of Ilpalazzo's air that was closest to the rope. Menchi looked at Ilpalazzo, he smiled; Ilpalazzo knew what Menchi wanted to do…

"Ok…just this once…" he said, Menchi grinned and looked upon Excel, she leapt and her claws caught onto the rope. She pulled it down and the floor beneath Excel's feet was no more. Excel fell into the 'bottomless' pit and her voice had faded away, despite her attempts to cry out her Lord Ilpalazzo's name.

Menchi walked out of the room in order to find Yomiko. Ilpalazzo was left in his throne room and with his own thoughts;

_'Well, after seeing that agent from the British Library Task Force on camera-I was expecting a big battle with her or with my stupid cousin Joker. But alas it was not meant to be, bit of an anti-climax if you asked me…now…I wonder where my agent Hyatt has gone too…'_

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_On the streets of the City of F, just as the sun's about to set…_

"Yes…what?!...Oh...That's great!...Yes…I'll call him right away…" Yomiko was found talking on the phone; she was also petting Menchi in an affectionate way (How the hell did Menchi get to Yomiko so quickly?), for she knew that this would be the last time she gets to be petted like this by Yomiko. She purred beneath her touch, but then jerked up when she heard someone walking up to Yomiko. It was Hyatt, she had come to meet up with her, in order to say goodbye to her beloved before she left the City of F. Yomiko saw Hyatt coming towards her; "Sorry Wendy, I'm going to have to call him later….Yes please let him know…thanks….bye!" Yomiko hung up and faced Hyatt.

"That was Wendy, a member of the British Library Task Force. She just told me that Joker has found the whereabouts of Nancy!"

Yomiko had told Hyatt about Nancy and the 'Ii-Jin' mission that they had met on. However Hyatt was confused; wasn't Nancy dead? Yomiko read the confused expression on her face and smiled;

"The Nancy that has been found is one whose loyalty was towards Ikkyuu during the 'Ii-Jin' mission. The Nancy who tried to kill me." Hyatt winced, she remembered when Yomiko first told her about this-the image of it still gave Hyatt sharp pains in her heart. "Apparently," Yomiko continued, "this Nancy has no memory what-so-ever. So, I hope to meet her and hopefully be able to help her. Maybe we could start over and become good friends…"

Silence followed and both of them looked down at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact and speech. This was very hard for both of them, none of them wanted to say goodbye-but fate had separate paths for both of them.

"Well…I guess this is…goodbye" Both of them said in unison, they looked at each other as they realised they were saying the same thing and smiled. The smile was fake compared to what they were feeling inside.

"I hope you have a safe journey Yomiko," Hyatt managed to say, "and you can come back anytime- cough cough cough" Hyatt started to cough up blood, a tear formed in the corner of Yomiko's eye

"Stop it!" she protested, she straightened herself up and looked harshly at Hyatt, "We both know that you only do that to gain sympathy and attention from those around you."

Hyatt stopped coughing and wiped the blood from the corner of her lip. She then frowned, "You can see right through me, but…"

"I know," Yomiko took Hyatt's hands into hers, "This is hard for me to…but no matter what; no matter where my missions take me or no matter whose bad guy's ass I have to kick…I'll never forget you…" Hyatt was starting to cry now

"Here…I want to give you something…" Yomiko dropped Hyatt's hands and got a piece of paper out of her pocket, it was purple, the colour of Hyatt's hair. Hyatt watched in curiosity as she saw Yomiko form something at the end of her fingertips. When Yomiko had finished, she opened her hands and a beautiful, graceful butterfly took flight. Hyatt smiled at this wonderful creature-made out of paper and smiled. She caught it and the butterfly's wings still fluttered in the palm of her hands as if it were alive.

"In my times of need or in time of heartache, I'll look at this beautiful butterfly. And the image of you will make all my pain go away." The two embraced and gave each other a kiss on each other's lips. They resisted the urge to make it into a make-out session, for they know that they wouldn't be able to stop if they started. Hyatt helped Yomiko put the last of her luggage into her car, and Yomiko petted Menchi once last time.

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As Agent Paper and Hyatt say the last of their goodbyes, another incident is occurring in the bushes nearby (no, nobody's having sex or peeing…in case you were thinking that you perverts)

It seems Watanabe, Iwata, Misaki and Sumiyoshi have been eaves-dropping on the whole conversation between Hyatt and Yomiko;

Watanabe, to much surprise, does not seem happy-in fact he's in tears,

"Tell me it's not true," he begs in between sobs, "TELL ME WHAT I AM SEEING IS A LIE!" he breaks down and hides his face in his hands. Misaki pats him on the back, as a sign of sympathy.

"Sorry man," Iwata said, "but it's true…Ms Ayasugi is a lesbian…" Iwata tried with all his might to try and sound 'supportive' and 'nice' in his voice-rather than 'mocking'.

But Watanabe wasn't beaten yet, he dried his tears with the back of his hands; "Oh yeah? Give me half an hour with her and then we'll see!" he comforted himself, thinking romantic yet erotic thoughts…involving him, Ms Ayasugi, his bed and a pair of handcuffs…

"Oh Watanabe, you know you couldn't be with a woman THAT long!" remarked Iwata

"WHAT?! WHY YOU LITTLE-" Watanabe attacked Iwata and the two were locked in their brawl. Misaki and Sumiyoshi moved away from the two, to reflect on the past few chapters (I mean…hours)

Misaki noticed Sumiyoshi was in deep thought; "You miss him, don't you?"

Sumiyoshi knew Misaki was referring to Silent Bob, even though they spent a little time together-he couldn't help but miss him

"It was just nice to finally meet someone just like me…silent, yet so misunderstood" Sumiyoshi said using his subtitles, "it was sad he couldn't stay for a longer period of time…"

"Yeah, well-Kabapu released them off their duties when he realised that the Puchuu wanted the 2 giant robots to kill them two. I guess he didn't really want them two to stay in this city after he heard that!" explained Misaki, "Besides, they only came here to screw some chicks…and that's exactly what they did…"

"Really? Wh-" Sumiyoshi started to ask, but as he looked upon Misaki-he noticed that her cheeks blushed in embarrassment. "You didn't…"

"Let's never…EVER mention it again. This conversation NEVER happened." Misaki ordered. And the two stared off into the sunset…

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"By the way…" Hyatt began; Yomiko put Menchi on the floor and looked at Hyatt

"You came to this City in order to stop Lord Ilpalazzo's plans…Were you successful?" Yomiko smiled then opened up one of her suitcases. She browsed through her items of clothing and drew out the exact same phone that Excel had bought (or should I say stole) back in chapter 5. Hyatt giggled; she knew that Ilpalazzo wouldn't be able to carry out his plans without that phone.

"I have been needing to get a new phone for quite a while now, so I guess you could say that I 'killed two birds with one stone'…are you going to tell him?" Yomiko was referring to Ilpalazzo

Hyatt shook her head, "I'll let you off, besides, he'll have a new plan by the morrow…"

After some time had passed, when Hyatt and Yomiko finished their goodbyes; Yomiko got into her car, with a book in one hand and her new phone in another. Hyatt clutched her paper butterfly to her heart-where she will always hold a place of Yomiko. Hyatt watched and Menchi waved as Yomiko drove off into the distance onto her next destination; The Royal British Library Task Force Headquarters in Japan. Yomiko suddenly remembered the phone call she received before she said her goodbyes to Hyatt; she dialled the direct telephone number to Joker. After a couple of rings, he answered;

"This is Joker" he said in a professional voice

"Oh, this is Yomiko"

"Well, it's been a while. How is you're holiday treating you?" she remembered that the last time he called, she was in a middle of a battle-she was expecting him to question about the battle or the success of her mission. But she guessed that Wendy had already filled him with the details.

"Good…it's just ending actually." A little twitch of pain, from the departure of her beloved Hyatt, was felt in her heart. Her holiday may have ended, but her love for her won't. But she knew that she had her 'agent' duties to attend to…and to find Nancy, speaking of which…

"Um…I wanted to ask you something. Where is Nancy?" Ever since her last mission, Yomiko had asked Joker and others at the British Library Task Force to try and find the location of the 'sister' clone of the Nancy she once knew. Wendy had told her on the phone that Joker had discovered the whereabouts of her, so now she planned to visit her, to get to spend the time with her that she couldn't spend with the Nancy she knew…

"Prison Medical Hospital," Joker answered as if he was simply asked for his name, "her memory is still missing due to the lack of oxygen to her brain."

Yomiko felt worried, "…will she ever get better?" '_Please let your answer be a positive one'_ she begged silently

"Its going to be quite an 'up-hill' battle for her so no one can say for sure." She felt her heart beat rate increase due to fear and uncertainty.

"I do believe she's quite happy though." Yomiko calmed her emotions by this sentence

"If she ever recovers, she'll have to stand trail." She knew this, but she couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Even though this was the same Nancy who helped Ikkyuu in the 'Ii-Jin' mission, maybe Nancy feels sorry for what she has done and wishes to make amends. She wouldn't be able to do this if she is thrown into prison!

"…I want to see her." Shortly afterwards she received directions to the Prison Medical Hospital. The next morning, she had reached her destination, she had to identify herself to some of the staff of the hospital in order to see her but they let her through.

She found Nancy on a bench in the hospital garden; the bench was on the edge of a small cliff looking over the big blue sea below them. The area was beautiful, it was a bright sunny day and the garden had plenty of trees, flowers and butterflies which gave a 'magical' feel to the place. It was no wonder that Nancy was happy here.

She sat down silently next to Nancy, she saw her trying to create something out of a yellow piece of paper she had in her hands. She could tell from the frustration in her face that she was failing to do so.

"Hello." Yomiko said to Nancy, Nancy looked up at her but no emotion-apart from frustration-could be seen on her face.

"Can I borrow this a moment?" Yomiko asked, she took the piece of paper from Nancy's hand and began to will the paper beneath her fingers to form into a creature that Yomiko wished for it to be. Nancy watched in fascination and wondered what the young woman was doing, until she suddenly opened up her hands. Yomiko had managed to form a graceful butterfly from the yellow piece of paper.

"Wow!" remarked Nancy as her eyes grew wider in fascination. The paper butterfly fluttered away as if it were a real one-Nancy leaped in joy at the marvellous creature that Yomiko created and chased after it in order to catch it. Yomiko remembered the look on Hyatt's face when she gave a butterfly that looked much like the one she just created. She remembered seeing love, passion, joy, happiness, innocence and hope. Like the emotions that were showing on Nancy's face right now.

When Nancy finally managed to catch the butterfly, she looked at Yomiko as if she just seen her, "I'm sorry…who are you?"

"Yomiko Readman," She replied with a smile, "I'm a friend of your older sister"

Nancy smiled back and felt safe around this person-as if she knew that she could be trusted. She sat down next to her, she was eager to know about her 'older sister'; "I have an older sister?"

"Yeah…you did. She was strong yet, gentle… And she once saved the world" Nancy listened in anticipation as Yomiko looked out to sea, the waters glittered and sparkled-giving her feelings of happiness inside. For even though the Nancy she knew was gone, and she had to say goodbye to her beloved Hyatt, she knew that tomorrow would be a brand new day; and a beginning of a new path for her and Nancy.

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"Man, that trip was fucked up man!" Jay commented; he and Silent Bob were on the bus back to New Jersey. They were sitting at the back, as usual; Silent Bob was by the window seat and was half-listening to Jay's comments about their visit to the City of F.

"I mean first we find ourselves in a fucking cartoon town-which I blame you for by the way," Jay poked Silent Bob, but he didn't react to it.

"Next, we are forced to work for some guy was a shitty moustache. Then, we are attacked by 2 giant robots-just because some fucked up teddy bear wanted to kill us…I'm telling you…that city is full of ball lickers! The only thing I enjoyed was when we got high…and when I screwed that Misaki chick! She played hard to get, but she gave into my good looks and my sexy charm…I knew she wanted to fuck me from the beginning!" A happy face grew on Jay's face from the sheer memory of it, but Silent Bob could only feel sadness…

Jay finally noticed Silent Bob's grim face; "Yo, what the fuck is the matter?"

Silent Bob pointed to the bottom of the screen, Jay didn't understand at first-but got it when Silent Bob said; "No subtitles"

"Hey man, don't feel so bad. Maybe it's a good thing, I mean with all the shit, filth and swearing that comes out of your fucking mouth-maybe its better that you don't have the fucking subtitles to do the talking for you!"

Silent Bob rolled his eyes and shook his head. He looked out the window; they were close to their home. But he couldn't help but miss his new friend, Sumiyoshi, and the time he had in the City of F.

But he knew where he and Jay belonged, leaning against the wall-which was found next to some random newsagent. Where they would wait, until some chick would coming along…that looked good enough to screw…

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EPISODE X-EXCEL OR DIE; STRIKE BACK!

TODAYS EXPERIMENT…………FAILED!

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_In the Yomiko scenario involving Nancy, the phone call to Joker, etc, I combined the original Japanese dialogue and the English version together, that way I got the best of both versions._

_See ya freaks! But don't fret- after I'm done with Deathology book 1 (or when I'm bored of doing coursework), I'm popping back over here to do another story-Promise!! I was planning to do another crossover; one the was going to involve 'Charmed' and 'Tru Calling', but I think I'll leave my next fanfic up to you! I have plans for 12 other stories, on both fanfiction and fictionpress! Along with your review, mention whether you want me to post fanfic on one of the following topics next;_

_· Metal Gear Solid; The Twin Snakes_

_· Sweep_

_· Arc the Lad; Twilight of the Spirits_

_· Sailor Moon_

_The one with the most votes will be my next fanfic-see ya later dudes!_

_Lilith Darkstorm_


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